Saturday night alone

I'm excited just because night's coming.

I would never have thought of such a line before,

when I was a company employee.

It was just for a living and I couldn't always wait for Friday.

Saturday mornings were refreshing,

Sunday nights were vain.

That tedious cycle ended this week.

Well, I quit my job.

I have nowhere to go.

I don't know where I'm going, no savings.

I can't think of anything I want to do.

My life is full of nothing, just wondering where I'm wandering.

But I think, I am more alive now, enjoying my Saturday nights

than I was when I was trapped in the office.

I'm even feeling fresh, good.

This will be a temporary thing.

I know.

If I spend the rest of my life being unproductive

and doing only the things I like,

I won't be able to live a decent life.

In the end, I'll probably volunteer to be a cog in the wheel of society.

But in life, we need such a precious waste of time,

which can make you feel, somehow, something meaningful when you're about die.

I want to affirm myself like this with all my might.

Night holds me tight instead of everything.

I don't need to be illuminated by a glaring spotlight like in the daytime.

There are,

Soft streetlights,

The traffic lights that never sleep,

The reflection of each other in the flat window, enjoying the night,

They live with me.

That's how the world slowly moves towards morning.

That's all I need.

I don't need any great skill, money or cause.

What I need now is the sensitivity to feel the night.

The sultry night air that runs through the city smells like human.

I feel a sense of intimacy.

An empty park.

I'm not good at material things like this because they take me directly back to memories of those days.

So I try to pass by, averting my eyes a little,

Eventually, I want to immerse myself in the memories, and when I realise, I step into the park.

My heart beats faster every time I step on it.

It's been decades, but that feeling of floating on the swings has never changed.

I don't have to worry about the order.

It will always be mine.

Life is mine.

It's okay to be a little selfish.

I stopped paddling because I was getting a little drunk on the feeling of floating.

It took me a while to stop after I stopped paddling.

Is this what it means to have grown up?

I hold out hope in such a night sky where I can't even see any stars.

Such is Saturday Night Alone.