Short stories｜Pleasure and anger（喜怒◇楽）

"You have only four months left to live".

　Ever since that day when the doctor told me that, I've been feeling somewhat dreamy.
　People will die someday. That's why I have always tried not to have any regrets. It would be a lie to say that I don't have any regrets, but I still think that I have lived a reasonably meaningful life.

　However, there was one thing that remained on my mind.

　There is one student in my class who has become emotionally overwhelmed by the death of his loved ones.
　I wanted to save him.
　With that in mind, I wrote down my plan in my notebook.

◇Fumika Kurosaki's final plan

１ A student who has abandoned his emotions. Satoshi Otsuki is admitted to the art club.

２ Have them do a painting a month on a theme.

　① Theme "Anger".

　②Theme "fun".

　③Theme "Joy".

　④Theme "Sadness".  and "Freedom

３ Ask and say what you think.

４ Appeal to his emotions and win him back

５ Seeing him regain his true form, he quietly draws his last breath.

　And now. The plan is up to two and the theme "Joy" is in progress.

　It's just the two of us, Otsuki and I in the club room. He is staring at the blank canvas with his brush on it. I wondered what was reflected in his somewhat vacant eyes.　I want to open his head and look into them.

As usual, you are incapable of reading emotions.

Nothing. I'm not thinking about anything. I'm just in a daze.

　When I spoke to him, he said bluntly.

"Oh?　You seem to have a lot of emotion in every picture you draw, don't you?　The first theme, "Anger," depicts a grown woman getting down on her knees in front of you, and the second theme, "Ease," depicts the everyday life of a grown woman who takes care of you with a smile. Those paintings gave me a very clear picture of what you are thinking and feeling, don't they?

　Yes. The pictures he drew often contained his emotions. And from what I've seen of his drawings, it seems that "adult women" = "me" are the ones he wants to abuse.
　I wonder if he has something against me.

　It's a pity I can only think of one.

"You must be mistaken".

　Ohtsuki answered my questions succinctly. But I'm a grown woman. I'm not going to give up my pursuit just because of this.

"I'm sure you're right. That was a misunderstanding, wasn't it?　If I'm not mistaken, it means that you unconsciously drew me. So you like me a lot, don't you?

"On the contrary. Rather, I draw you because you are annoying.

　Oh well. You've managed to get them to admit they drew me, so I'll give you points for that.

It's a good thing you have a great tongue. You're good!

"What are you complimenting me on?

　I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure. I'm sure you'll agree that this is a great idea. My plan seems to be going well.
　I was satisfied with that and pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it up.

Doctor, I thought you quit smoking.

"Yeah. Actually, I've already ............failed at smoking.

　I almost slipped up and hurriedly rephrased, but he looked at me in surprise. It was a little unnatural, wasn't it?

　I'm not sure what to say, but I'm sure you'll understand.

That's what you're talking about. You're not allowed to smoke.

Oh, that's right.

Are you sure you're a language teacher?

That's rude!　Not many teachers are as good as me!　It is no exaggeration to say that I am a master of the Japanese language!

I'm a master of the Japanese language! - "Master of the Japanese language" already sounds lame.

　He smiled just a little as he showered me with his heavenly tongue. He smiled just a little bit, and I took a good look at him and stood up.

Well, I'd better get back to the staff room. I'm going to go back to the staff room now, and you can stay here and draw until the club activities are over. You can come to me if you have any problems or need advice. Do you have any questions?

No, sir.

　When I heard those words, I left the art room. Ohtsuki was alone in the large room facing the canvas.

＊　＊　＊

　I used to be told by people around me that I was very emotional.

　However, after losing my parents and sister in a car accident this past April, I have closed my mind.

　Emotions are the reason for my pain and suffering. I thought that if I could kill my emotions, I would be able to forget this sorrow.

　It was surprisingly not difficult to kill my emotions. All I had to do was remember the lethargy I felt when I saw my family off to heaven. All I had to do was remember that.

　If you don't feel anything, there is no joy, no anger, no fun. It was ......, but it didn't make me feel any less sad.

　That's when it happened. The teacher got involved with me.

　When my homeroom teacher, a beautiful woman, forcibly pulled my arm and brought me into the art room, I didn't understand what she meant.

　He suddenly made me join the art club, gave me a "theme" and asked me to draw a picture!　I thought what a crazy person he was.

　But the teacher was so wild and reckless that he blew all that away.

　When I drew my picture as a sarcastic remark, he said, "The angle of your knees is not correct! When he saw my picture of "Raku", he said, "You don't have enough devotion! He also tried to take care of me by saying, "You don't have enough devotion!

　While I was being pushed around by this reckless teacher, I was slowly regaining my emotions.

　My teacher is happy when I smile. And I feel happy when my teacher laughs at me. If you call this joy, then I'm sure the joy for me is laughing with my teacher every day.

　――Theme "Joy" Hidden title "Laughing Together We

"Hey, Otsuki.

"What is it?

"You like me a lot, don't you?

　When I showed her the picture I drew, she said to me with a serious but somewhat happy face.

It's just your imagination," I said.

　I said. I'm just imagining things," I say, as the teacher mumbles to himself, "No matter how I look at it, it looks like you and me.

　This is the end of "joy". The next one will probably be "Sadness".

　I don't feel comfortable with the next theme, because I still haven't gotten over the sorrow of losing my family. I'm not sure I'm ready for the next theme, because I still haven't gotten over the sadness of losing my family.

　I'm afraid to face it.

　I was afraid to ask if I could change the theme somehow.

"Um, the next one?

"Yeah, the next theme is 'freedom.

"Oh, the next theme is 'Freedom'," the teacher replies, not hearing my last words.

I roll my eyes.

"What?　Freedom?　Isn't that 'Sadness'?

　However, I ended up drawing "Sadness".

　That day, I heard that my teacher had been hospitalized, so after school I went to the hospital where she was staying.

　When I arrived in front of the doctor's room, the door was open and the doctor was sitting up.

　I knocked on the door from the inside.

"Oh, Otsuki.

"Excuse me. The door was open.

　I'm not sure what to do, but I'm going to do it.

I'm not sure what to do. You don't have long, do you?

What are you talking about?　The female body is complicated in many ways. A woman's body is complicated in many ways, and it's not soft enough to die over something like this.

　As I stood there, unable to say anything, the teacher looked at me with kind eyes, smiled and said, 

"Why don't you sit down for now?

　I took a seat as he suggested, but I looked down and remained silent. The silence continued for a while. It was the teacher who broke the silence.

I have a favor to ask you.

　I looked up at him.

"A favor?

"Do you remember the last theme?

"Freedom.

Do you mind if I change that a little?

It's freedom. Isn't it good?

　I answer bluntly.

I reply bluntly, "Hmmm. Well, don't be such a prude. It's not that difficult.

　The teacher paused for a moment. Then, as if he had made up his mind, he looked up and said.

"Can you draw me at.....?

"......What?

　I couldn't help but be upset at the unexpected request. When the teacher saw me, he smiled happily.

I'm not asking for anything too difficult. I just want to see what you have seen and drawn of me.

　His beautiful profile was illuminated by the setting sun.

......Okay.

　I shifted my chair to a more comfortable position for painting, propped up the canvas I had brought with me, and picked up my brush. The teacher kept staring at me.

Oh, by the way, you are not allowed to paint me after I've become so emaciated. You are not allowed to paint me looking like this, by the way. Imagine me in a scene from your memory, healthy and fresh.

......It's just plain difficult, isn't it? It's impossible for me to do this unless I've been drawing the teacher in my brain.

Oh, that woman was me, wasn't it?

"......is wrong.

　When I bitterly denied it, the teacher chuckled. I think I've dug my own grave.

"Hey, Otsuki.

"What is it yet?

......Make the drawing as beautiful as possible. Double the usual amount, please.

"Where did you order the bean sprout ramen? I'm a realist, so I'll decline. Besides, you look beautiful as you are.

"Oh. How did you know that I like bean sprout ramen? Good job, Ohtsuki.

......What are you complimenting me on?

　Oh, I feel comfortable in this space.

　Whenever I look into the eyes of the teacher, a warmth flows into me. At that moment, I felt a single tear roll down my cheek.

　Starting with that, one tear overflowed and then another.

It's funny. I thought it had already died out. Why do I have to go to ......now? Damn it, ......, I can't see anything ahead.

　I found myself with a river of tears on my cheeks.

　Oh, I was pretending not to notice, but this ruined it. If I cried, the teacher would probably be sad. I wanted the teacher to smile.
And yet...

"Teacher. Please live, please don't die, please live, and please look after me.

　My emotions overflowed incessantly. I was so sad to lose him, and I loved him so much that I couldn't stop myself.

"Don't be silly. I'll always be here for you. So don't cry so much.

"Because, because......

I don't know where the hell I got the order wrong. I skipped three and four and went straight to five.

...... What the hell are you ...... talking about?

I'm talking to you. Now, look up. I want you to draw me.

Yes, ......, yes, ......!

　Sir. The last picture I drew of you, although I couldn't show it to you in the end, turned out to be the perfect painting for your theme.

　I am now working at this high school as an art teacher. I am now working at this high school as an art teacher, and I am working hard every day to become a person like you, who can be close to anyone.

　Oh yeah, I didn't tell you the title of the last picture.

　The title of the painting is "Joy, Anger, and Pleasure.

　PS. Please put two "ai" in the "◇" part.

　Hint: "The love I can draw because I know the sorrow.