人の心を動かす~Committing to good deeds without expectations~

先週遂にカーネギーの「人を動かす」を読み始めました。

ずっと読もう読もうと思って、何年も経っていましたが、最近知り合いの投稿やブログ、書店などでも、やたらと目に止まるので、「あー、読むタイミングか。」と思い、読み始めました。




まだ途中までしか読んでいないのですが、名著ともあって、読みやすいですし、理解しやすいです。

書いていることは、わりと当たり前なことです。

ただなかなか実践が難しいというものばかりです。

例えば、「人を動かす三原則」という章の「人の立場に身を置く」というパートがあるのですが、これも考えてみれば当たり前なのですが、実行するのは難しいです。



日常の中で、自分の立場のみ考えて発言・行動をするか、相手の立場に立ってそれらを行うかという判断は、無数に生じています。

例を挙げると、誰かとご飯を食べに行こうとなった時に、自分の食べたいものを食べに行くか、相手の食べたいものを食べに行くかというのも、どちらの立場に身を置くかを考える一つの判断材料です。

毎回相手のことばかりを考えて、行動するのは心が疲弊する可能性もあるので、やりすぎはよくはないですが、自然と呼吸をするかのように、「この人は何を望んでいるかな？」と考える癖をつけるのは大事です。

そして、数を重ねていくと、面白いことに気づくのです。

相手の立場になって物事を考えていると、超短期的に見た時に、自分に不利益を被るかもしれませんが、将来的に見た時に、自分の利益を最大限にあげることに繋がっていく可能性が高いのです。




2日前にwayaで起こった話です。

宿の掃除を朝している時に、爽やかな2人の外国人がやって来ました。

「チェックインできないのはわかっているけど、荷物を置いてもいいかな？」

そう言って、荷物を置きました。

少し疲れている様子だったので、Barスペースでくつろぐように進めました。

疲れている理由は、日本での旅が続いている中、その日も朝早くに東京を出発し宿にやって来たからという理由でした。

とはいえ、掃除が終わってないので、まだ部屋には案内できません。





掃除に戻る前に、「何か手伝えることあるかな？」と聞くと、彼らは「いや特にないよ、ありがとう。僕らは何か手伝えることはないかい？」っと笑いながら聞いて来ました。

僕は冗談だと思い、「たくさんあるよ。だって今から掃除するからね。」と冗談で言うと、彼らは「よし！それじゃ手伝うよ！」っと言い始めました。

これも僕は冗談だと思い、「よし！じゃ階段を駆け上がって、2階から掃除を始めよう！」と言いました。





その後彼らは本当に階段を駆け上がり、掃除を始めようとしたのです。

僕は驚きました。

間違いなく疲れているのにも関わらず、笑顔を絶やさず、しかも自分たちのメリットがない状態で(もしかしたら、掃除を早く終わらせれば、部屋に早く入れると思っていたかもしれませんが)、僕のために何かしらの貢献をしようとしてくれたのです。

僕はこの行動に心を動かされました。

そして、たまたまですが、その2人が宿泊する部屋は、前日から用意されていたため、掃除する必要がありませんでした。

3人顔を合わせた時に僕は、「この部屋は掃除する必要ないみたいだね。チェックインには早すぎるけど、今から使っていいから、ゆっくり休んで。」と伝えました。

彼らは驚いていましたが、次の瞬間には笑顔で「ありがとう！」と言っていました。




「相手の立場に立って物事を考える。」
これは極端な例だったかもしれませんが、相手が求めているものを読み取って、自分ができることを探してみることは大事です。

自分が提供できるものは何か？

相手の立場に立って、自分が提供できるものを惜しみなく差し出した時、相手はその行動に感動を覚えます。

人は感動を受けると、心が動かされる生き物。

人の心を動かすには、感動を与えることを意識することが大事。

今回2人の爽やかなゲストと接した結果得た、大切な気づきでした。




昨夜友人たちと飲んでいる時に、トイレで見つけた言葉が、聞き心地が良かったので、ここに書いておきます。

「働くとは、自分の持っているものを、誰かのために役に立てることを言うのだ。」

相手の立場に身を置く。

その状態であなたは何を提供できますか？

この1週間、相手の立場に身を置き、何を提供できるかを意識してみませんか？

I’ve finally begun reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. I’d been considering reading it for a while now, but kept putting it off. Having recently seen this book in a friend’s blog, and then Facebook, and then coming across it in a bookstore, I figured it was about time to pick it up.

I’m only halfway through the book, but so far I find it interesting and easy to understand. Everything Carnegie writes is common sense, but it is the type of common sense that is difficult to actually act upon. For instance, he states that thinking from the perspective of others is one of the 3 principles of influencing people. He states, “he who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.” It seems simple enough - so simple in fact that it is a cliché; put yourself in someone else’s shoes. In practice, it is easier said than done.

There are countless situations in which you have to choose between two things that clearly either benefit yourself, or another party. For example, when you go to lunch with someone (or a group of people), you have the ability to give input on what restaurant to choose. You can simply go with your gut - or in this case your stomach - and go with whatever it is you’re craving at the time, but even with a concept as mundane as this, you are presented with an opportunity to take others into consideration. It’s as simple as asking yourself, what might this other person want to eat right now? If you were to constantly think in this manner - asking how you can make choices that benefit others rather than yourself - it can get exhausting pretty quickly. There is the potential, however, to create this habit to the point that you think about others as subconsciously as you breathe - a goal that I believe carries immeasurable value.

If you are able to consistently put yourself in other’s shoes - to think about how you can put others before yourself, you may find in the long run that you are reaping unexpected benefits. I might even venture to call it an inevitable side effect of countless short-term decisions; decisions that didn’t seem to benefit you in any manner, but you went about making them anyway, simply for the sake of others.

Flashback to 2 days ago. I was getting ready to clean Waya hostel in the morning, when 2 guys walked in with 2 big smiles. I told them check-in was from 4 pm, and then they politely asked, “can we just drop our luggages off here until the check-in time?” I could tell that they were tired so I recommended they take a rest at the Waya bar. They’d been traveling Japan for a while at that point and had just flown in on an early morning from Tokyo. I considered how I could go about helping them, and could only come up with letting them use the bar space freely, as we don’t generally show guests to their room until we’ve finished cleaning the place.

Before I got to cleaning, I asked them, “can I help you with something?” They responded, “not really, thanks. Actually, can we help you with something?” They’d responded with a smile, so I figured they were joking, and played along. I said, “yeah, I’m actually about to start cleaning the whole hostel, so you can feel free to help out!”

They quickly said, “okay then, we will help you out.” I assumed this was a joke as well, so I laughed and said, “cool, lets head upstairs.”

Without hesitation, they got up and headed up the stairs, ready to work. I was so surprised. I knew they must have been weary from all the moving around, but they kept smiling and were going to do something for me with zero merit (t is possible that they thought they could check in earlier by helping me, thus getting to rest sooner, but I give them the benefit of the doubt).

I was moved by their actions.

By chance, the room they would be using was not used the day prior, and so it was already clean, beds ready and everything. We all exchanged a glance, and then I said, “it seems that we do not have to clean this room, so although we are far from check-in time, you guys can head on in and have a rest.” There was a momentary look of surprise on their faces, but then the smiles came back, and they simply said, “thank you.”

Perhaps this is stretching the whole putting yourself in someone else’s shoes thing, but I think it is important to learn to read people the way they want to be read, and to then ask yourself and figure out, what can I offer them? If you can anticipate someone’s needs, or even just their wants, it is a touching gesture. If you commit touching gestures genuinely, people will go from being touched, to being moved. In the same manner, if you are able to move people’s hearts with genuine actions, you will eventually reach the ability to send positive vibrations through their souls. This is the level I would like to reach, and I came to this conclusion thanks to 2 nice Waya guests with genuine smiles.

I went drinking with my friends yesterday, and I came across some classic bathroom-wall philosophy. It struck a chord with me, so I will share it, albeit loosely translated from Japanese:

“To work, is to do whatever it is you’re capable of doing, in order to benefit others.”

Try and view the world from the perspective of others. Once you’re seeing from that point of view, try to ask yourself, what is it that I can do for this person? If this doesn’t come so naturally, why not start out by doing so consciously?