Mnemosyne pt.1

Mnemosyne, the ancient Greek goddess of memory, from which the modern English word: memory, mnemonic, memo, etc. derived.

Talking about memory, it has became quite obvious to me (and some of my peers) that I have a remarkably strong memory. I could recall vividly in details about events that transpired in my life even from distant years of my youth. I could recall almost everything from the places, the path I took, the sequences of events one after another, I could recall the nuance, the feeling, and so many things, while others around me whom I shared the memory with may often failed to recall the said event in such details.

I wouldn't say that I have an eidetic memory, because I don't remember every single details like a picture in my head, but I guess it is closer to hyperthymesia, where one may remember abnormally large number of their experiences in vivid details. Yes, although I think I don't believe (and never diagnosed) that I may have hyperthymesia, but the description is rather close.

If I may analyze what contributes to my exceptional memory is that perhaps all my life I always think (and by extension memorizing) not by remembering things line-by-line, but rather using cues. These cues are like important memory points in every subject or experience that my brain might remember, but then the things that I don't remember usually are filled automatically with logic, or will automatically remembered when I recall those important memory points. This is perhaps how I was able to remember enormous amounts of memory, even the feelings associated with it.

But just like people with hyperthymesia this ability to remember huge amount of information and experiences while it has its benefit, but the drawback is also rather equally uncomfortable and sometimes may hinder with the person's personal and professional life. One with the ability to recall such vivid memory and personal experiences may find it hard to overcome a certain feelings, and may appear to be living in the past rather than in the present, which is detrimental to the person's physical, mental, and social well-being. This inability to live in the present may in turns create another loop of negative memory that sends the person spiraling down.

Again, as though I wouldn't call myself diagnosed with hyperthymesia, but understanding that I myself with my tendency (or is it an ability?) to recall memory and experiences vividly, I have been struggling with similar issue myself, especially towards things or people that I have grow fond of or I'm absolutely absorbed into, it is absolutely difficult to take my mind off of it and focus on things that matter at hand. 

Sometimes, I think, with this ability to remember things with extreme details that many times are indeed beneficial to my life; but considering as well the drawback that it had caused me to struggle most of my life to deal with it, where I may sometimes not only brings negativity to myself but also to those around that are dear to me. Living with such memory, sometimes...no, maybe often times I think, how did I get here where I am now? Is it some sort of sheer willpower that pull me through? or maybe.....I'm just lucky? 

つづく （Pt.2 coming up next!)