愛するということ（エーリッヒ・フロム著）

以下の英文は、エーリッヒ・フロムの著書「愛するということ」の英語版Wikipediaを抜粋したものである。彼は「愛と敬意がなければ、責任が搾取に発展する」と考えた。彼が考える「愛と尊敬」の関係について、説明せよ。
※このフロムの考え方を、「ザ・ノンフィクション」婚活回に出演していた東大卒女性に教えてあげたい。

Fromm opens this chapter by stating that "Any theory of love must begin with a theory of man, of human existence." From Fromm, a person's key trait is their ability to reason. Prior to humans developing the ability to reason, we were part of the animal kingdom and in a state of harmony. To recover this state of harmony it is impossible for us to regress to the idyll of the animal kingdom, but rather humanity must progress to a new harmony by developing their ability to reason. This ability to reason makes humanity "life being aware of itself", and separates us from all other creatures. This separation is, for Fromm, "the source of all anxiety". He says that by understanding the story of Adam and Eve, people can understand the barriers to loving connection. For Fromm, when man and woman develop awareness of their difference from each other, they remain strangers, and this is the source of shame, guilt, and anxiety, and it is reunion through love which allows people to overcome this feeling of difference.

For Fromm the fundamental question facing mankind is "the question of how to overcome separateness, how to achieve union, how to transcend one's own individual life and find at-onement". In other words, that people are fundamentally isolated, and seek union with others to overcome this feeling of isolation. He develops this idea, stating that different cultures and religions have had different techniques to achieve this, and gives five examples of how these unions are achieved. He describes "orgiastic states", in which "separateness" is abated by taking drugs, participating in sexual orgies, or both. For Fromm, the problem with this approach is that the feeling of unity is temporary and fleeting.

He proceeds to state that in modern capitalist society, people find union in conformity. The meaning of equality, for Fromm, has been changed from meaning "oneness" to meaning "sameness". The result of pursuing the Enlightenment concept of l'âme ne pas de sexe (literally, "the soul has no sex") is the disappearance of the polarity of the sexes, and with it, erotic love. He criticizes the effect that union by conformity has on people, turning them into "nine to fiver[s]", who sacrifice their fulfillment outside of work by their commitment to filling a labor role.

A third way that Fromm suggests people seek union is through what he terms "Symbiotic union", which he divides into sadism and masochism. In this paradigm, both the masochist and the sadist are dependent on the other, which he believes reduces the integrity of each.

Fromm proposes that the most harmful way people may find union is through domination, which is an extreme form of sadism. He provides the example of a child tearing apart a butterfly to understand how it functions.

Fromm contrasts symbiotic union with mature love, the final way people may seek union, as union in which both partners respect the integrity of the other. Fromm states that "Love is an active power in a man", and that in the general sense, the active character of love is primarily that of "giving". He further delineates what he views as the four core tenets of love: care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge. He defines love as care by stating that "Love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love", and gives an example of a mother and a baby, saying that nobody would believe the mother loved the baby, no matter what she said, if she neglected to feed it, bathe it, or comfort it. He further says that "One loves that for which one labors, and one labors for that which one loves."

The second principle of love, to Fromm, is responsibility. He contrasts his definition of responsibility with that of duty, stating that responsibility is the voluntary desire to respond to the needs of one's partner. Without his third principle of love, respect, Fromm warns that responsibility can devolve into exploitation. Fromm says that in a loving relationship, people have a responsibility not to exploit their partners. He explains that L'amour est l'enfant de la liberté (literally, "love is the child of liberty"), and that love must desire the growth of the partner as they are, not how one may want them to grow. As such, for Fromm, "respect is possible only if I have achieved independence". According to Fromm, in order to respect someone we must know them, and so knowledge is his fourth principle of love. For Fromm, attainment of these four attitudes are only possible in the mature person, one "who only wants to have that which he has worked for, who has given up narcissistic dreams of omniscience and omnipotence, who has acquired humility based on the inner strength which only genuine productive activity can give." He concludes the chapter by criticizing Sigmund Freud for not understanding sex well enough.

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解答

エーリッヒ・フロムは、「愛するということ」の中で、愛と尊敬がなければ、責任は搾取に発展すると考えています。フロムにとって、愛と尊敬は密接に関連しており、どちらも真に人間的な結びつきを築くために不可欠な要素です。

フロムの考えを説明すると、人間は生まれつき孤独であり、他者とのつながりを求めています。しかし、単に責任感だけで相手と関わるだけでは、搾取や支配関係になってしまう可能性があります。そこで、愛と尊敬が重要になってきます。

• 愛とは、相手を思いやり、その成長を願う積極的な関心です。

• 尊敬とは、相手をありのままに認め、その独自性を尊重する能力です。相手を支配しようとしたり、自分の理想像に当てはめようとしたりせず、相手が自分自身を見出し、成長していくのを助ける姿勢が大切です。

フロムは、責任感だけだと搾取に陥ると警告しています。例えば、親が子の世話をしている場合、責任感だけで世話をするだけでは、子が自立できなくなってしまうかもしれません。しかし、そこに愛があれば、子は親からのケアを受け取りつつ、やがて自分でできるようになるよう促されます。

また、尊敬がなければ、真の愛は育ちません。相手を尊重しなければ、その人の本質を見ることもできず、相手を支配しようとしたり、自分の思い通りに変えようとしたりしがちになります。

まとめると、フロムにとって愛と尊敬は車の両輪のような関係です。どちらも揃って初めて、相手を思いやり、お互いの成長を促すことができる、真に人間的な結びつきが築けるのです。

※参考　NHK

名著30 フロム「愛するということ」

現代人は資本主義市場での“好都合な交換”に慣れているため、相手が条件にあうかどうかばかりを気にしている。そして“恋愛市場”のどこかに運命の人がいると思っている。果たしてそれは正しいのだろうか？フロムは、相手が見つからないのは、その人に他人を愛する力が足りないからだと言う。

NHK