230129 先延ばしと前のめり

いま14時
午前中から書く時間は
作れた筈なのに
やっと書き出した処

なんだかんだと
用事や仕事
入る度に
あとでいっか
と先延ばしにシて来て

ここ最近は
午後から書くケースが
多いのです(･ᴗ･)

それでも
一旦書き出せば
元来のお喋りが
頭を擡げて
量も大した事ナいからナのか
間に合って来てました

今日はどうかしらね～( ´艸｀)ﾌﾌﾌ

作文は
本当に苦手で
小学校の頃は泣く泣く
母の手伝いを受けながら
口述筆記を取って貰い
箇条書きにナった内容を
自分なりに纏めて出してました

多分
高校を出た頃
お給金が貰えるように
ナった頃
口から言葉を出すように
書けるようにナりました

やはり
人に認められて
自信を深める事が
僕には必要だったんだなぁ

イヤな事からは
逃げて回ってきましたが
たま～に
自分でも分からないのですが
急に立ち向かうケースが有って

何故に？
と自分に訊きたくなるんですが

結局
理由は判らず仕舞いで
ヤり始めるんですよね

そして
不思議とモノにナる

多分ですが
自分の深い処で
勝算がハジかれたのだと
想われます

It's 2:00 p.m.
I could have made time to write from this morning.
I'm finally writing this down.
Every time I have some errands to run or some work to do
I keep putting it off until later.
I have been writing in the afternoon in many cases.

But once I start writing, I can't stop myself from chattering.
I don't know if it's because it's not too much to write.
I was able to get it done in time.
I wonder how it will be today.

I'm really bad at writing essays.
When I was in elementary school, I cried and cried and got help from my mother
I had to have my mother's help to take dictation
I wrote bullet points and submitted them
I had to put it all together in my own way and submit it.

Maybe when I got out of high school
When I started getting paid.
I could write as if I was taking the words out of my mouth.

I guess I needed the recognition
I guess I needed to gain confidence.
I've been running away from things that I don't like.
But sometimes, I don't even know it myself.
Sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing, but I'm suddenly confronted with something.

I want to ask myself, "Why? I want to ask myself.

But in the end, I don't know why, so I just start screwing them.

And then, strangely enough, it becomes a thing.

Maybe, deep down inside you.
I think the odds are stacked against me.