ChatGPTとTOEFL®ライティング練習1-2

※※※　ご注意　※※※
TOEFL iBT®は、2023年7月26日から形式が変更され、
それ以降 "Independent Task" は消滅します。
【参考】　TOEFL iBT®が大幅リニューアル

　

前回の続きです。今回はBodyパラグラフの１つめ。

お題は同じくこれです：
Technology has improved human communication.　

◆答案（Body 1）

Firstly, the advent of the Internet has positively affected our interaction with others. [※明らかにミスっている文→] Although some might argue that the Internet has had a negative influence, pointing to the lessened opportunity of face-to-face communication. However, the positive effects of the Internet seem to outweigh such drawbacks. For one thing, dealing with others through the Internet costs much less than other mediums such as international calls and airmail. All we need to pay is the fee of Internet access, which allows us to send emails and short messages, talk through Internet connection in real time and so on. Thanks to this, we can even enjoy interactions with those living far away from us, such as friends studying at foreign universities and relatives staying abroad. Simply put, with lower costs, the Internet has increased opportunities to interact with various people, thanks to which people are now able to build and maintain deeper human relationships.

内容面・語彙面ともに、ちょっと流して書いてしまったというか、あまり納得はいっていない答案ですが、ChatGPTの力を借りて改善点を探っていきます。

　

◆やりとり①（文法）

前回同様、シンプルに文法面について確認。

Grammatically OK?

返答：

Yes, the passage is grammatically correct.

本当すか…。明らかに2文目(Althoughの文)がミスしてるんだけど…。 (Although SV, SV. の形になっていない)

さらに文法面で改善できる点がないか確認してみましたが（Any points where it can be improved in terms of grammar?）、あまり有効なアドバイスがなかったので、文法面はこのまま放置で次に進んでみます。

　　

◆やりとり②（内容・構成）

Give some advice as to its contents and organization:

と、内容と構成に関してアドバイスを求めてみます。構成については、

The organization of the passage is good.  (略）

ということでしたが、内容に関しては：

As for the content, the passage provides a strong argument for the positive impact of the internet on human interaction. (中略) However, one improvement could be to address potential counterarguments more thoroughly. For instance, the passage acknowledges that some might argue that the internet has had a negative influence on face-to-face communication, but does not delve into why this might be the case or address other potential drawbacks of increased online interaction. By doing so, the author could strengthen their argument further. Overall, the passage is well-written and effectively conveys its main point.

反対意見の部分をもっと深めると良いよ、と。

ただ、自説では無い部分にあまり語数を割いてパラグラフ全体のバランスが崩れるのも嫌なので、そこはスルーして、他に改善点がないか尋ねてみると：

One additional point to improve the content of the passage could be to provide more specific examples to support the argument.  (略)

なるほど、確かに答案の具体例は内容的に弱めです。どんな具体例が可能か尋ねてみましょう。５つ挙げてくれました。

・Video conferencing tools such as Zoom, which allow people to have face-to-face conversations with others across the world in real-time.

・Online education platforms, which provide opportunities for people to learn from instructors and connect with other students from diverse backgrounds.

・Collaborative work tools like Google Docs, which allow people to collaborate on projects in real-time regardless of their physical location.

・Messaging apps such as WhatsApp or Telegram, which enable people to communicate quickly and efficiently with others without the need for expensive international phone calls or letters.

・Social networking sites such as LinkedIn, which provide opportunities for people to build professional networks and connect with others in their field.

どれも具体的で、確かにこれらの具体例を埋め込んだ方が説得力のより高いエッセイにできそうです。Zoomを使ってどんな風に書けば良いか見せてもらいましょう。

Zoom is a video conferencing tool that has improved our communication via the internet. People can have real-time conversations from anywhere in the world. During the COVID-19 pandemic, Zoom enabled people to attend meetings, classes, and connect with loved ones from a distance. For example, I …  (略)

一昔前ならSkypeが具体例として真っ先に挙がりそうな内容ですね。the COVID-19 pandemicも登場して現代に即した話になっており、ジャッジの人に「この受験者は普段から英語でいろんな情報に接しているんだな」と感じさせる内容になっています。

◆やりとり③（語彙）

まずは語彙の使用が適切かどうかを尋ねてみます。

Yes, the vocabulary used in the essay is appropriate and effective in conveying the writer's ideas.  (略)  The vocabulary choices such as "advent," "mediums," and "outweigh" demonstrate a sophisticated level of language use.  (略)  Overall, the essay's vocabulary is appropriate and helps to convey the writer's points effectively.

とにかくChatGPTは褒めてくれるから好きです(笑)　

しかし、もっと洗練された語彙があるはず。そこで、more sophisticated vocabularyを用いて書き換えてもらいます。長いので一部だけ抜き出します。

To begin with, the emergence of the Internet has unequivocally enhanced our ability to communicate with others. Although some might posit that the Internet has yielded adverse effects, citing the diminished opportunity for direct human interaction, the advantageous impacts of the Internet appear to outweigh such drawbacks.  (略)  The only fee incurred is the cost of Internet access, which allows us to exchange emails, instant messages, and engage in real-time conversations. The Internet has enabled us to ….

・unequivocally　明白に、はっきりと
・posit　断定する、仮定する
・incur　(負債などを)負う、受ける、こうむる

これらの語彙を実際に使った方がベターかどうかはさておき、「こういうパラフレーズの候補があるんだな」という語彙力の強化にはとても勉強になります。

  

◆やりとり④（Overall）

今回は、答案を10点満点で採点すると何点か聞いてみました。

I would rate it a 8 out of 10.

８点。良い方だよね… でも、どうしても「あと２点はどうすればいいの」と気になってしまうのが人間。

そこで、10点満点の答案を書いてもらいました。（相手が人間なら、遠慮してなかなかここまで頼めない！）

Undoubtedly, the emergence of the internet has revolutionized the way we communicate with one another. While some may argue that the internet has created a more impersonal means of communication, it is evident that the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. Firstly, the internet has greatly expanded our ability to communicate with people from all over the world. In the past, communicating with someone from another country was a costly and time-consuming process. However, with the advent of the internet, we can now communicate with anyone, anywhere in the world instantly and at no additional cost. Additionally, the internet has allowed us to develop and maintain relationships with people who we may never have met otherwise. Through social media and other online platforms, we can connect with like-minded individuals and form communities based on shared interests. This has allowed us to expand our social circles and create meaningful relationships with people who we may have never had the opportunity to meet in person. In conclusion, the internet has vastly improved our ability to communicate and connect with others, opening up a world of opportunities for personal and professional growth.

むぅ… やるなChatGPT…。

　　

◆オマケ

今回は、元の答案を15語以内で要約してみてもらいました。すると…

Internet positively affects interaction by reducing communication costs, increasing opportunities, and deepening relationships.

はい、もう完璧です。言うこと無し。

　

まとめ

今回は、Introductionに続くBody 1を添削してみてもらいました。それにしても、無料版のChatGPTでこのクオリティ。有料版だとどんなアドバイスがもらえるのか興味深々です。

ただ他方で、「ChatGPTの言うがままに修正すれば良いということでもない」という（当たり前の）ことも感じます。良きパートナーとして活用していくための丁度良い塩梅・やり方をもう少し模索していけると良いかな。

モチベーション維持のために、書くたびに「10点満点で採点して」とお願いするだけ、みたいな使い方もありかもですね。

次の記事（Body 2）はこちら

～他のTOEFL (Independent Task)関連の記事はこちら～　　　

　

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