IELTS ライティング 7.0〜7.5レベルのエッセイ。

こんにちは。とげまるです。

7月に2年ぶりにIELTSを受験するので、練習としてIELTSのライティングを書いてchatgptに添削をしてもらい、モデルエッセイを写経して復習するという学習を毎日やるようにしています。

タスク2を書いてchatgptに大体のスコアを推定してもらうと7.0〜7.5で返ってくることが多いです。

そこで今回は7.0〜7.5レベルのライティングはどんな物なのか、この記事で紹介したいと思います。添削前のエッセイを載せているので当たり前ですが語彙、文法的ミスはそのままにしてあります。またあくまでchatgptでの判定ですので必ずしも7.0〜7.5レベルを保証出来るとは言えません。大体こんな感じかなと体感して頂ければ幸いです。

TOPIC: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniably clear that we are constantly bombarded with sugary products, negatively impacting our health conditions. This being the case, some people argue that it is necessary to make foods and drinks including huge amount of sugar less affordable in order for us not to obtain them. In my personal view, I strongly agree with this idea as this countermeasure greatly contributes to the betterment of our health situations.

Indeed, there are some opponents of my viewpoint who claim that consuming sugary products fosters our brain activities, which enables us to work and study more productively. In this contemporary society, countless external factors such as hectic schedules, complex human relationships and information overload have been so dominant in our lives that we cannot have a short break. Under such circumstances, it is certainly the case that we overly depend on the use of brain to navigate these challenges facing us in the 21st century, thereby exhausting our brain capacities. To counteract the effects of this demanding situation on our brain, the consumption of sugar serves as one of the effective solutions to this ongoing problem because it stimulates brain activities, allowing us to better concentrate on individual tasks owing to our elevated productivities made by consumption of sugary products.

Despite these arguments made by detractors of my opinion mentioned above, I firmly believe that imposing exorbitant prices on products containing a great deal of sugar should be reasonable. Many young people in modern society, for instance, have been severely suffering from obesity accompanied by consuming significant quantities of sugary products. Specifically, the rapid emergence of new technologies such as personal devices and mobile phones tempts them to not only lead sedentary lifestyles but also digest refreshments including high levels of sugar.  The potential ramifications of these combined unfavourable elements substantially increase the risk of ensnaring children in the trap of obesity, possibly causing them to bear the brunt of serious health issues such as cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Taking these adverse situations into consideration, it is not unreasonable to make sugary products less affordable by forcing us to pay inordinate prices. One probable effect of this strategy on our current lives is that decreasing number of consumers purchase foods and drinks with sugar, which raises our awareness of the importance of digesting more healthy products such as fruits and vegetables. As a positive result, it is highly likely that we are capable of enhancing the quality of our health conditions.

In summary, although there are those who maintain that the idea that sugary products ought to be more expensive is not judicious, one compelling reason associated with the improvement of our health conditions reinforces my personal belief.