before 2021

In this year, there were a lot of unusual things happened.

    This year, I am able to get into graduate school in Japan. Usually, all the classes were supposed to be off-line, I mean in-person classes. But, this year, all of my classes started with online classes. At first, it felt a bit odd to talk to my professors at my university through a computer, but I got used to taking classes online really faster than I thought. I think that was because I already had experience in doing a meeting online and doing a video chat on a computer some times.
    Also, I started a new life, which is living in a new apartment alone. I was so excited about living alone. Since I came back to Japan from Canada,  I always lived with my parents. So, when I started living alone, it felt a little nostalgic.  As soon as I started a new chapter, I realized that I had many problems in doing chores, go shopping for food, and etc. First of all, I really did not know how to clean my room and my clothing because I have really never used a machine in Japan. I knew how to use a laundry machine but I've never used that properly in my entire life, so that was very stressful for me. In addition to that, about food, again I've never really carefully chose ingredients for my lunch and dinner because, for me, everything seems the same; for example, onions, yogurts, and etc. As I went shopping in the supermarket every time, I was getting used to it. Nowadays, I am able to check the price and choose products carefully. there were some tiny accidents but looking back on those times, those were really memorable to me.
     About my study, since I got into grad school, I did not decide on a topic to study because I had a lot of things I wanted to learn and study. I wrote my thesis as an undergraduate because it was mandatory to write something about linguistics in my case. Since then, I have been interested in working memory and language processing. I thought I would study that in grad school. However, I had a feeling that I did not explore other fields enough to understand linguistics, and so I decided to change my interest in something else. Although I learned some fields in linguistics through classes and books and papers, I still did not decide what I am going to do, or what I want to do in grad school. I can make an excuse about this like "I am still only a first-year student in graduate school, so it cannot be helped." but this is just an excuse, and it certainly relieved me but it did not solve any problem myself at all, which is not good. So I will do that as soon as possible.
      There is also something else I have to decide by soon. My research topic is part of it, but this is much bigger than that. It is about my carrier. I have a choice to continue to study linguistics, which is quite hard but I really enjoy, and to leave the academic world and find a job to live. I've been trying to decide which way I should go but I could not decide yet. The reason why I cannot decide it is that I do not like a change in my life. In other words, I feel scared about going to leave this world and doing a job. It is true that I had a job experience, which is only a part-time job tho. However, If I got a job in whatever companies, I really do not know if I could work well. Also, I am really concerned about my health.
     However, I know that what I really should do for now is to focus on the present and do my best. This is the only thing I can do for now.

Thank you for reading, and have a great happy new year for you all.