Connecting the dots.
Every coworker seems down. My seniors working there for 5 to 8 years told me they feel like they have not grown since they came here. This April, I joined a manufacturing company with a slogan that praises craftsmanship. Although employees I met boasted about their techniques and craftsmanship while I did job hunting, they didn't turn out how I understood. These days huge depression obsessed and exhausts me.
It was not supposed to be like this!!!!!!!
In retrospect, my self-analysis might be on the halfway.
I assumed any job requiring English would be suitable, but I found it was incorrect.
What brought me here? What did I come here for?
I've been wondering these questions for a whole day long.
Initially, I was excited about this company. However, now I sense danger. This is a manufacturing company, yet it fails to pass down essential technologies and methodologies to the younger generation. It isn't an issue that can be resolved in a few years; if it continues to be neglected, it could become a serious problem that no amount of sales effort can overcome—and it might already be at that stage.
I will continue to voice my opinions on what can be changed, but the fear of continuing in this company as a salesperson won't disappear. After all, the quality and precision of the technology are critical. Our customers, who spend hundreds of thousands, or even millions, rely on our technical expertise. My anxiety won't subside until the issue of technological succession is addressed. I wish the company would value its engineers more.
I decided to prepare for changing the job so I started learning bookkeeping and English. These so-called "portable skills" will help my future job searches.
From another angle, I despair at my current role for this company because a deep fog hides my eyes and thoughts. My father advised me that I can understand where I am when the dots are connected. His words reminded me of Steve Jobs' passionate celebratory statement.
You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.
So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.
You have to trust in something, your gut, destiniy, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference.
What should I trust?
I'm uncertain what I'm doing now and what will help my future.
As my professor in grad school said, gathering references is crucial for substantiated arguments. Thus, I must pursue my interests and then reflect on my feelings.
Anyway, I will work on these things below.
-Improve English skills through English diary, shadowing with YouTube videos, and speaking practice.
-Study Chinese and take the HSK test.
-Pass the 2nd grade bookkeeping test to visualize my work stats.
-Gathering market information and new knowledge at bookstores and libraries.
-Take notes and do self-analysis
-Review what I achieved today and not yet, then make plans for tomorrow.
-Say I have no idea about topics when I'm not familiar with them. And search on Google or ask seniors to solve them.
-Learn basic machinery knowledge by using the KEYENCE site.
Same question again.
What should I trust?
What am I living for?
Of course, for living with my love, family, and friends.
I want to be with them.
Last summer, I noted my desire to be a person who works proactively in foreign countries because this experience assists my Ph. D. dream.
I love reading books and contemplating philosophical topics.
I dream of living with books and expressing my thoughts by writing sentences like a blog and a note post.
実は就活を始めた頃は、働きながら博士課程に通い、文学の博士号取得を目指すつもりだった。
ただ、自分の英語レベルがそれにふさわしくないことも薄々気づいていた。
自分がプレーヤーとなり海外で活躍することが自分の英語力を向上させ、より短時間でより多くの文献理解ができ、それがより高度な作品解釈を可能にするだろう。
文学にかける熱意は心の底でフツフツと燃やし続ける。
いつか師匠を越えてみせるんだ。
I don't know what is right.
There might not be a single correct way.
Exploring interests, gaining useful career skills, and widening my career choices will become my guideposts. These efforts will eventually connect the dots, leading me to the envisioned future.
Connecting the dots.
いつも読んでくださりありがとうございます！