Campaign speech

I’m running for the position of the dormitory's permanent committee chairperson, so I'm writing a speech for the election.

I must become the permanent committee chairperson. Let me explain why.

The world is about to undergo drastic changes. To put it bluntly, nuclear weapons are finally going to be used.

Content warning. From this point on, those who are not prepared to know the shocking and harsh fate and truth of the world should not read further.

"North Korean missiles don't hit their targets."

This was once a universally accepted fact.

However, as time went on, North Korea's military research developed, and precise ICBMs were developed.

As a result, the Taepodong missile became obsolete.

Naturally, North Korea wanted to sell the Taepodong to recoup some of the money it had lost after sinking many of them into the sea.

However, while bad people sell drugs on the dark web, selling something like a Taepodong is impossible.

North Korea was in trouble. But then, terrorists approached them with an offer.

The terrorists said they would pay a large sum of money to North Korea in exchange for taking the Taepodong.

This was an offer North Korea couldn't refuse.

However, North Korea had some concerns.

The researchers involved in the development of the Taepodong honestly said, "The Taepodong won't hit its target."

If, by any chance, the terrorists became dissatisfied and got angry, even North Korea would have a problem.

But the terrorists insisted, "We like the uncertainty of where it will land."

In the end, the terrorists bought the Taepodong. A terrifying nuclear weapon had fallen into the hands of terrorists.

But then a problem arose. They broke the device needed to detonate the nuclear weapon.

They dropped it, the screen cracked, and it wouldn't turn on.

They tried replacing the battery while looking at online guides, but it didn't work.

The detonator necessary to trigger the nuclear weapon was broken.

Without the correct nuclear fission reaction, nothing would happen.

The terrorists tried hitting it and pouring hot water over it, but it wouldn't explode.

The terrorists, having spent a lot of money on the Taepodong, found themselves in a desperate situation.

Yet, the terrorists didn't give up and continued to think of bad things.

As a result, they came up with a very bad plan: "Even if the Taepodong doesn't explode, if we drop it on a U.S. military ship and make a hole, it can sink."

However, their plan fell apart because they couldn't obtain the fuel necessary to launch the missile.

The budget committee did not approve the budget for the fuel needed to fly the Taepodong that wouldn't explode.

"What more can we do?"

They were finally cornered.

But the problem was easily solved.

They bribed a skydiving helicopter pilot with counterfeit money and had him transport the Taepodong and pilot it directly above a U.S. military ship.

The operation was carried out on Christmas Eve, a day when the whole of America is in high spirits and its citizens are distracted.

Even the president, the highest commander of the U.S. military, was neglecting his duties, dressed as Santa Claus at a home party.

They successfully exploited the U.S. military's laxity and managed to break through.

They visually confirmed the U.S. aircraft carrier from the helicopter. The target was the U.S. aircraft carrier. They dropped the Taepodong.

However, the Taepodong missed its target and sank to the bottom of the sea.

Having lost the Taepodong and all their money, the terrorists could do nothing.

And they did nothing.

Meanwhile, what about Japan?

Japan secretly developed and hid nuclear weapons.

These nuclear weapons were hidden in the Aokigahara forest at the base of Mount Fuji.

Even if an ordinary person found a nuclear weapon in the Aokigahara forest, they would not be able to survive and return from the forest.

Moreover, if there were no wars and the nuclear weapons became useless, they could sell them as exercise equipment on Mercari.

Thus, Japan proceeded with nuclear armament behind the scenes and became capable of fighting North Korea, which had developed ICBMs.

However, Japan is a country where earthquakes occur more frequently than anywhere else in the world. If Mount Fuji were to erupt, the entire country would be destroyed.

In recent years, due to abnormal weather, unprecedented strong winds have repeatedly occurred, causing the roof of Kyoto Station to break, and year after year, the power of typhoons has increased.

There was a time when the Kamogawa River nearly overflowed due to a typhoon's heavy rain, and dormitory students posted about it on Twitter.

One day, due to strong winds, the nuclear weapons in the Aokigahara forest were blown into the crater of Mount Fuji.

Mount Fuji is an active volcano, and its crater is in a very unstable state.

The heavy nuclear weapon fell into the crater, causing Mount Fuji to erupt massively.

The eruption wasn't the only problem. The nuclear weapon melted in the magma.

The nuclear material melted, contaminating the lava with radiation, and the volcanic ash caused by the eruption would make men infertile if they were exposed to it.

The volcanic ash from Mount Fuji's massive eruption covered all of Japan, causing men across the country to flee abroad.

If men disappeared, sexual harassment would disappear.

However, voices were raised saying, "It's a serious human rights issue for men to completely disappear."

As a result, Japan cooperated with the United Nations to advance human rights protection activities, and a certain number of women also fled abroad.

Now, when people tried to escape from Japan, there were too many people, and there weren't enough ships.

Meanwhile, our dormitory had accumulated techniques for making rafts out of PET bottles, so we began making rafts for escape.

Now, where to escape to? The Korean Peninsula was out of the question. There, Japanese people who couldn't eat kimchi every day would be discriminated against and wouldn't be given jobs.

In conclusion, the destination for the PET bottle raft was Guam, and everyone started studying English.

Think about it. Among the dormitory students who would board such a raft in such times, I am the only one who has the first grade of the Eiken Test in Practical English Proficiency.

Therefore, whether I want to or not, I must become the permanent committee chairperson.

Meanwhile, some people fled to the Korean Peninsula instead of Guam, but they met a tragic end.

In Japan, discrimination against Koreans is unending, and in retaliation, Japanese people would be discriminated against.

Japanese people who couldn't eat kimchi every day were discriminated against and could only work at Matsuya, which had advanced into Korea.

However, there was a limit to the number of people Matsuya could hire, and many Japanese refugees ended up working as zookeepers' assistants in the Korean Peninsula.

A zookeeper's assistant's job is to take care of the animals in the zoo, just like a zookeeper.

However, unlike zookeepers, the assistants live entirely within the animal enclosures and never leave, no matter what happens, including earthquakes.

Of course, since humans and animals have different nutritional needs, vitamins and other supplements were added to their food as necessary.

As a result of Mount Fuji's massive eruption, the Japanese archipelago was completely destroyed and became a large donut-shaped island with Mount Fuji at its center.

A photograph of the donut-shaped island was taken from an artificial satellite.

Foreigners who once said, "The Japanese are excellent," no longer said that after seeing the satellite photo of the donut-shaped island.