Coaching as an Approach to Create a New Version of Your World (Part 2)
Read the previous part of the interview here:
https://note.com/summer_hanae/n/ne3b5daaaeebe
< Part 1 >
- Starting from Looking at the Roots of Uncomfortable Feelings Together
- You Will Become Something Different
In Order for Me to Survive as Who I Am
Hana:
Hiro, you have studied coaching and interpersonal support not only one school, but many theories and approaches even abroad. What do you think made you decide to do so? Or is there any theme of your own that compelled you to do?
Hiro:
I think the expression "compelled to do so" was very true. Looking back on it, I feel that it was something I had to learn for me to survive as who I was, and I do feel it, especially lately.
"Hiro should be in a special class. He can't understand people's feelings or participate in group activities." That is what my mother was told by the teacher when I was in elementary school. In Japan, where communication is indirect and messages are inferred, the ability to “read the air” is crucial to be accepted and respected by the community. I, however, couldn't understand something like an unspoken agreement at all, and behaved in a totally different way, though I didn't have any bad intentions. So if they made fun of me, I was so hurt and felt lonely. At that time, I probably had a strong sense of not knowing how to connect with people. I didn't even understand that back then because that was my natural way of being. That's how I was.
I went to Norway to take an exchange program for high school students. I met people from all over the world there and found that some of them were polite and disciplined like Japanese. Others liked music so much that they banged on walls and plates, and Latin Americans were hitting on girls upon seeing them. The surprise that we were so different, yet can get on so well together, made me incredibly excited. I felt free from the things that used to constrain me. More than anything, I was so grateful for being accepted as just Hiro without any judgments.
Hiro with friends from around the world met in Norway
When I returned home, the September 11 attacks happened, and the TV news showed a kid who looked like a girl I had been in love with in Norway. I thought Mariana, my first love, must have been such a pretty girl. Then the reporter said that girl was not laughing with joy, but because she went crazy and kept on laughing after an air strike or a missile hit her house that day. These things are still happening somewhere in the world. But for me, it wasn't someone else's story. I felt empathy for the first time. That girl did nothing wrong. I didn't know why it had to happen. And I thought that I had to stop it and to do something with it.
But I myself, having experienced a lack of a peaceful place to belong to, often looked down on the people around me and hated those who didn't understand my feelings. Wanting to help create peace or whatever, I didn't have peace in my own heart, nor around me. I myself was not able to achieve that at all… But I still wished people understand one another, and I also wanted to be able to understand others and be understood…
It was during my first year of university when my older sister suddenly passed away. This caused a kind of breakdown in my family relationship. I know that when you lose a child, you may become unable to care for the other child. My parents couldn't care for me, and I felt like I had no home to go back to. That was hard. I felt lonely. And then things that I had been hiding until then, like not being able to trust people, not liking myself, and all the other things started to come out.
I wondered how I could change myself, how people could change. And while I was learning counseling or therapies, I came across coaching by chance. I really liked it, thought I could do it, and felt that it could connect all the things I found intriguing, such as the mind and body, how people change and grow, how they get the courage to change something if they don't like it, and how to create a better world. So I kind of got fascinated with it and just learned a lot.
Coaching Is a Beautiful Bridge that Connects Me with People
Hana:
You said that you had difficulties connecting with people. Has that changed in more than 10 years of coaching experience?
Hiro:
Well, I still often feel that I am not very good at communicating with others. However, I think that coaching is like a beautiful bridge that connects me with other people.
When communication becomes chaotic at gatherings or parties, I often get lost in how to behave in such situations. In coaching, however, I have a certain role and a certain sense of control over the situation without hesitation.
Another thing is that through learning coaching and communication, I became more able to understand others' feelings than before and vice versa, using the best part of me. I also think I’ve also learned how to discuss and understand others. It helps me work through things that might have caused troubles, or continue relationships that could have gone wrong. Life seems easier than before, and I've learned to be kinder to others and myself. I feel thankful for what I have done.
Hana
I listened to your story with empathy. It would be great if we could learn communication naturally, but I have to admit that I also learned it after growing up. I guess the reason for many to get more rounded as they get older is they are also improving their communication skills even after growing up.
and it was so interesting to discover something new in myself”
Hiro
So, what would you like to do in the future, Hana?
Hana
I will continue writing profiles, but I would like to work with my clients from the point where they start creating their own services as "lifework." If you have a calling to do something in this life, I think you need to tell your life story. I will assist them up to the point where they can clearly present that story in their profile.
Hiro:
So, are you going to work with them from the stage of exploring what they want to do?
Hana:
Yes, I want to help them unearth what they really want to do, with coaching.
Hiro:
I believe that you are the one who can touch their hearts and bring out their deepest thoughts. I’m rooting for you!
Hiroaki Nishida
Hiroaki Nishida is a life coach for people and teams in times of transition. He helps them step into and go through times of fundamental changes. Besides his coaching practices for business owners and freelancers, he gives trainings for aspiring coaches in the space of coaching and personal development, and teaches career development at universities. He also offers facilitation and team coaching with expertise in organizational development and team building. His contributions include companies, international programs, local revitalization projects, and communities of traditional arts and crafts.
Hiroaki is the CEO of Tomoni Inc., a certified coach by Another History, and a Certified Public Psychologist by the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare of Japan. He also holds a M.A. in International Peace Studies from the University for Peace in Costa Rica. He has traveled to more than 40 different counties and provided workshops in nine of these countries.
To learn more about his coaching and other services, visit his website.
(in Japanese only, as of September 2022)
This article is based on the interview live-streamed on Instagram on August 25, 2022.
It features the highlights of the interview session with the wording and order adjusted for readability.
The original interview footage is available here!
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＊Hiroaki Nishida
https://www.instagram.com/hiroaki_nishida_coach/
＊Profile Story Author Hana
https://www.instagram.com/summer.hanae/
▼ Original article in Japanese is available at:
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