June 18, 2024: Out of the Oridinary （ズレている）

I tend to be curious or nervous about what others do when I am out. A few years ago, I saw an old lady talking loudly on the phone while I was on the Tokyo underground. She was talking so loudly that I asked her to stop talking on the tram through her partner next to her. He asked her to stop it but to no avail. She continued to talk on the phone and got off the train at a station with talking on the phone. She was even talking in a very loud voice on the platform. That was one of those offbeat things that I have seen in my life.
But I have no room to talk about others. I also seem to be offbeat. I have often been told so by my wife and daughter. And I have not been welcome to go out with them. I hate standing in a long queue and never go to any popular place that forces me to queue. So, my wife and daughter are always reluctant to invite me to go out with them. I prevent them from going to the places they want to go as most of where they want to go are always overcrowded, and I have to stand in a queue. I also seem to have done a lot of things that were out of the ordinary. I, on my own, have meant to have done everything as everyone else does. But that was entirely wrong. I have been told that I was, and still am, out of touch with society in every respect and that I should learn more about what others do. I had been told the same thing by my colleagues when I was at the office.
But it is too late to correct what I have done. I am better off staying away from society and living quietly.

　ボクは、外出すると、人の言動が気になったり、それに神経質になる傾向があります。数年前、東京の地下鉄に乗っていたとき、大声で電話で話している女性を見かけました。あまりに大きな声で話していたので、隣にいた彼女のパートナーを通じて、電車の中で話すのをやめるように頼みました。でも、無駄でした。彼女は電話を続け、電車を降りる時も話をしていました。ホームに降りても大声で話していました。これが、これまで見てきた「ズレてるな」と思った出来事のひとつです。
　でも、人のことをとやかく言う立場にはありません。ボクも、「ズレている」ようです。妻や娘によくそう言われ、一緒に出掛けることを喜ばれません。ボクは、長い行列に並ぶのが大嫌いで、並ばなければならないような人気のある店には絶対に行きません。だから、妻と娘はいつもボクを外出に誘いません。自分たちの行きたい所はいつも混んでいて、行列に並ばなければならないからです。また、ボクは、「ズレている」ことをたくさんしてきたようです。自分自身は、なんでもみんなと同じようにやってきたつもりでしたが、まったく間違いだったようです。今も昔も、あらゆる点で「ズレている」ので、もっと人の行動を学よう言われてきました。会社にいたときも同僚から同じようなことを言われました。
　でも、今更改めても、遅すぎです。社会から離れてひっそりと生きていく方がよさそうです。

https://note.com/piccolotakamura/n/n4379820dfc06