【英検準1級ライティング#10】24時間営業が続くことが望ましいか【Yes】

【写真について】
　トロント大学の向かい（と言っても入り口がたくさんあるのですが）にある確か。。昼寝(nap)なんとか言う名前のレストラン。
このメニューはsteak sundwitchだったかな。15カナダドルくらいでした。
最近は物価も上がったようです！
　料理もとても美味しかったし、いくつか思い出のあるこのお店。トロントに行ったら、ぜひまた行きたいです。

　本日は、「親は子どもに家事を割り当てるべきか」がテーマ。
【Yes】の立場で書きました。

◎TOPIC
Do you think it is desirable for stores to stay open 24 hours a day?

＊I wrote it from the Yes side.

◎POINTS
Customer needs
Profit

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メモ
年中無休の店
・24/7 [24-7, twenty-four/seven] shop　
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５【先生添削後】

【a final copy 】
　　　A lot of people have discussed the necessity for stores to stay open 24 hours. However, I think that 24-hour operation is desirable not only for customer needs but also for store profits.
＊necessities  →the necessity　24時間営業の必要性と限定されているので。
　　First of all, many people go to 24-hour shops at night or even at midnight, because they work a night shift or because they cannot go shopping during day time.
＊work at night→　they work(have) a night shift
　　Next, to make a profit in this competitive society, you must have advantages. Being open 24 hours is such kind of advantage, as it attracts an additional group of consumers.
＊24hour shopのような24hourを形容詞的に使う方法を繰り返し過ぎになるので、Being open 24 hours、stores which open 24 hours、stay open 24 hoursのように別の表現にする
＊such kind of　そのような
　　 For these reasons, I think that stores which open 24 hours will keep their long-hour operation. It's desirable both for them and their customers.

４【清書+Grammary添削後】

　　A lot of people have discussed necessities for stores to stay open 24 hours. However, I think that 24-hour operation is desirable not only for customer needs but also for store profits.
　　First of all, many people go to 24-hour shops at night or even at midnight. Some people work at night. Some people cannot go shopping during day time.
　　Next, to make a profit in this competitive society, you must have advantages. Operation in 24 hours is a charm point to consumers.
　　For these reasons, I think that stores which open 24 hours will keep their long-hour operation. It's desirable both for stores and customers.　

３【2の先生添削後】

【a rough draft after the tutor's check】
　　A lot of people have discussed the necessity for stores to stay open 24 hours. I think that it is desirable to meet customer needs and secure store profits.
　　First of all, a lot of people need 24-hour shops. Many kinds of jobs such as nursing or security have night shifts. Since such people have to work during the night, they also have to eat and have some other needs which they can only get from shops that are open 24 hours.
　　Next, to make a profit in this competitive society, you must have advantages. Being open 24 hours is such kind of advantage, as it attracts an additional group of consumers.
　　 For these reasons, I think that stores which open 24 hours will keep their long-hour operation. It's desirable both for them and their customers.

2【1のGrammary添削後】

【a rough draft after the Grammarly check】
　　A lot of people have discussed necessities for stores to stay open 24 hours. However, I think that it is desirable to meet customer needs and secure store profits.
　　First of all, a lot of people need 24-hour shops. Many kinds of jobs such as nursing, guarding have night shifts. Since everyone is busy, people often cannot buy things they need during day time.
　　Next, to make a profit in this competitive society, you must have advantages. Operation in 24 hours is a charm point to consumers.
　　For these reasons, I think that stores which open 24 hours will keep their long-hour operation. It's desirable both for stores and customers.

1【添削前】　

20語、語数が足りないです。イントロダクションと結論で語数を足すのが
今すぐできる時短の方法です。

【a rough draft】
　I think that it is desirable for stores to stay open 24 hours a day. There are two main reasons why I think so.
　　One reason is that not a few customers need 24 hours shops. Many kinds of jobs such as nursing, guarding have night shifts. Since everyone is busy, people often cannot buy things they need during day time.
　　Another reason is that to make profit in this competitive society, you must have advantages. Operation in 24 hours is a charm point for consumers.
　　For these reasons, I think that stores which open 24 hours will keep their long-hour operation.