A 680 km journey to meet my "likes"
Author：Haru
The sound of a jet engine, roaring, fills the air. I love that sense of tension when the aircraft that had been taxiing leisurely suddenly accelerates. From the seat next to me, my son asks, 'When will we take off?!' I reply, 'Very soon,' and in that moment, the view outside the window tilted diagonally.
We have taken off.
'Wow!'
My son's sparkling voice echoes throughout the cabin.
Our destination is the beloved town we are visiting after five long years.
＊＊＊＊＊＊＊
I became a single parent when my son was just a newborn, and I decided to temporarily stay with my parents for a year during my childcare leave.
Since my family moved frequently due to job transfers, our 'family home' would change approximately every two years. It was normal for me to have never visited the place where my parents' home was located.
Even though it was supposed to be a homecoming, it felt more like escaping to an unfamiliar land.
When we took our first flight as a new mom and baby, various emotions such as guilt, liberation, anxiety, and anticipation were swirling within me.
However, once we started our new life in this new place, I felt that it might be okay to let go of those mixed emotions.
This town had no unpleasant memories from the past. Since our stay was temporary, there was no worry about the future. It was enough for us to live in the present moment.
The nature that unfolded before my eyes, the sounds of everyday life that filled my ears, everything was so serene and beautiful.
The pleasant time passed by in the blink of an eye. The moments we spent there were so delightful that they didn't even feel like they came right after a divorce.
＊＊＊＊＊＊＊
After my childcare leave ended, I returned to the bustling city where I originally lived and resumed work. The days that followed were much more hectic than I had imagined. Working reduced hours for the sake of parenting, I found myself constantly chased by uncompleted tasks every day. Parenting challenges kept coming one after another, my ex-husband would frequently become unresponsive, and my home would get messy without time to tidy up...
The busyness and problems stirred up my mind, causing it to tremble with instability.
I felt like I was on the verge of collapsing somehow.
In such moments, a scene from my childcare leave suddenly appeared behind my closed eyelids. The pleasant days spent with my son and parents, the picturesque town, and its nature.
I realized how much I had grown fond of that town.
As I embraced what my exhausted self was yearning for, I gradually felt my heart calming down.
＊＊＊＊＊＊＊
Having experienced how "what I like" can be a source of support for the heart, I became conscious of actively seeking out "what I like."
I took the leap to participate in the group where single mothers gather, took care of my mind and body, expressed my thoughts through writing, and challenged myself to engage in projects with like-minded people.
I discovered that even as an adult, it is up to me to update "what I like."
There may be people who criticize adults for dreaming about things they "like" or enjoying activities they "like" as escaping from reality. However, it is an important means of protecting yourself, and taking care of your own well-being.
The accumulation of things we "like" continues to grow, and as a result, our hearts become more resilient, and less easily swayed by minor things.
From then on, I made it a point to encourage my curious son to develop more "likes."
Things like vehicles, dinosaurs, insects, and fish that I had little interest in during my own childhood. I respected my son as he proudly showcased his knowledge acquired from picture books and TV, and we learned together with excitement. I hoped that as he grew up, "likes" would be one of the things that could provide comfort in times of difficulty.
My son, who was once a baby, has grown and we can now communicate with each other. Just when I thought we could finally go out together casually, the COVID-19 pandemic started spreading. With the prolonged period of self-restraint, it became difficult to embark on trips that pursued our "likes," but it served to strengthen our feelings even more.
I longed to visit that town once again.
And finally, the time had come.
＊＊＊＊＊＊＊
I visited the town after 5 years, and its charm remained completely unchanged. The sea was still calm and beautiful, with adorable boats and islands scattered here and there. Accompanied by the rhythmic sound blending into everyday life, a two-car train passed by. The kind-hearted townspeople spoke with gentle manners. Everything was peaceful, but the signature udon noodles had a distinct texture that made a lasting impression.
What's different from those days is only that the baby who used to fit snugly in the baby carrier has grown into a boy who runs so fast that I can't even keep up.
Ah, I still love this town!
I took in a deep breath of the gentle breeze from the harbor and shouted in my heart.
The pleasant time passed by in the blink of a moment, and the plane carrying us took off into the sky once again. As we gazed at the scenery below shrinking into a small size, my son murmured, "I don't want to go back yet. I want to stay here more."
Watching him, I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness.
During this trip, we got to expand my son's "likes." I reaffirmed my own "likes." What a rich and fulfilling time it was.
While my son is still willing to go out with his mother, let's gather more of our "likes" by venturing out. I believe that each experience will make us strong.
"Where should we go next? What should we ride?"
At the end of the day, nothing beats the smile on this child's face when he's excited.
As I feel the touch of my son's small hand placed upon mine, we, the two of us, discuss our next journey together.
Written by Haru
A 680 km journey to meet my "likes"
Call for Donations
Thank you for taking the time to read our essay. This essay was written by Haru for the Mother's Day Campaign 2023. The Japanese non profit Single Mothers Sisterhood is an organization dedicated to supporting the mental and physical well-being of single mothers. Every year in May, we conduct a campaign to promote the importance of self-care and celebrate the diversity of families. Reading the essays written by single mothers allows us to appreciate the diverse qualities and characteristics that make each and every one of them special and unique. We would greatly appreciate your support. You can visit our donation page by clicking here.
よろしければサポートお願いします。いただいたサポートはひとり親の心身のセルフケアとエンパワメントの支援活動に使わせていただきます。