A message from my daughter

Author：Moko

Whether it was a day when the cold wind was blowing and my hands were freezing, or when I was overwhelmed by the heat reflected from the asphalt and felt I was about to be swallowed, we used to spend most of the day in the park literally everyday. It would have seemed strange to stay in the same park all day long, so when the time came, we moved to another park and stayed there for a while. All We brought along was some rice balls with a little salt on them and a water bottle. Snacks were only for special occasions. Since the water often runs out on the way, we lived off the tap water in the park. We would see off many friends heading home before it got dark. We were always the last ones to leave the park. Having finished snacks, I managed to place my sleepy son on a bicycle and rode through the streets surrounded by tall buildings. It was already evening by then. We would get through the entrance way where all the shiny chauffeured car were lining up and the concierge was waiting at the front desk. We were in our dirty clothes and found ourselves holding our breath to be silent.

One day when the cold wind was harsh, I felt something warm coming down between my legs. It didn’t stop and flowed with a rush. I found that the world gradually became black and white. I rushed into the public lavatory, and when I touched it, it had a bright red color. It was an emergency call from my daughter who was in my womb. She seemed to be in tears telling me not to hold myself back anymore.

I made up my mind and got on the highway bus that night with my little son. Every time I passed through the tunnel, the darkness became deeper, and I couldn't stop sighing from regret, remorse, fear, and various other thoughts . I noticed that the sky was white when I passed through the last long tunnel. The wind in my hometown was freezing cold and it keenly penetrated down to the deepest part of my ears. But the air was so clear that I felt like I could be reborn as a new self every time I breathed. 

As soon as I got home the bleeding stopped to my surprise. And the hematoma that was so big disappeared before I knew it.

Now, on cold days, we stay at home, eat tangerines together, and spend time relaxing. On hot days, it's cool at home. On holidays we go to the fields and grow vegetables.

When we go to the park, I put in the Bento Box children's favorite boiled eggs, sausage , and tomatoes. I can come home whenever I want to.
When I am too tired to cook, we can enjoy delicious instant food or fast food.

There were many things I noticed and gained from the message from my daughter. Because I became a single parent, I was given the opportunities to participate in the online self-care courses for single mom and meet friends there from all over Japan. Then, I started to feel like I could try anything I want..I even started my own business.

My son talks to everyone in the class at daycare about gender equality and freedom. It seems that his little friends sometimes run away when he talks about it, but it doesn’t matter to him. He wears his favorite pink T-shirt and enjoys going to daycare every day. Now I think about the message from my unborn daughter who was risking her own life to tell me that I did have the right to live with freedom and spread my wings and take off to a new world.

Yes, that girl who is the critical part of my story , she is now more talkative and growing bigger than her brother !!  :D 

This essay was written by Moko for Mother's Day campaign by Single Mothers Sisterhood. Single Mothers' Sisterhood is the non-profit organization based in Japan to support single mothers' self-care of their mental and physical wellness through online self-care classes where single mothers can feel a warm and supportive connection with each other.

This campaign celebrates the irreplaceable charm of single mothers and calls for "self affirmation" and "importance of self-care. We want to shed light on positive aspects of our lives!! We welcome donations to support the empowerment of single mothers. See also the Mother's Day campaign 2021 support page.