So, this is life?

I hate it. I hate to think that the influence that I can have on is only limited to few people that I know of. Being given this one life, only one life I am only someone who struggle in my job, working extra hours every day and rebeliously try to make time to "create" something.
Obvisouly I am failing. It's been more than 5 months like this.
I want to make great impact on people by my own creation.

But it's hard. Everyone can be a creator now. Anyone can make huge impact on people all over the world. I'm 25 and I still have done nothing.

So this is life?  You have to make every decision by yourself ? To live or die, to work or play, to enjoy or to despare? 

A few days ago I started wondering about my life again, you know I became the hosatge of my own thinking, as psychologist says "twenty-something identity crisis", and then I had to contemplate deeply about why I am here as what I am here. Looking back on my childhood, I would say I was really imaginative and creative kid. I drew, I wrote, and I was always craeting something. At the same time, I got praise and a lot of attention, and that made me who I was back then.
Then I started worrying about "going to a good school" or "being succesful", or "being rich", focusing on getting my feet down to earth.
Then I lost all the imagination and creativity. Like, by the time I was in high school, I was reading books "because reading book is what smart kids do". 
I had no choice but to tell myself that my life is going to be ok if I do something that only leads to what is beleived as a "successful life" .
But I did not realize one thing until recently. 

Successful life as I imagined was a boring life.

It was a template of the "reassured life" by society. (a.k.a by what other people have already made and have been running more than half a century.)
It's easy, once you start walking on the paved lane, until you die, you do not have to worry about dying in poverty or having nobody to look after you once you get sick, because you always being watched and protected by something or someone.

At the same time tho, I had this thought too.
"I " chose this way because I thought that choice is better than all the other choices. I went to girl's high school to study all day and play basketball 7 days a week. I chose to stay in my university (4th choice university) rather than  studying one extra year to enter into the more highly academic unversity.
I chose to spend 2 years of my college life watching movies. 
I chose to master English while I was in the US.
I chose to date someone who I truly love and chose to part our way to be stronger.
I chose to chase my dream to work at a international company spending 2 years doing job hunting. 
I chose to start writing something only recently.
All because I wanted to. 

I realized.
I had not regret one bit of what I have done.
What I have been through is never being able to be replaced by anyone else.
And that's amazing. 
I can start "creating" something based on what I have expereinced. 
All the things that I have been through, some might have been forgotten, but most of them I remember as wonderful memories, they have created who I am now. 

So, now what I want to say out loud is

Let's create something fucking amazing that only I can create.
All the things I have done is leading to who I am now.
Everything truly has happend for a reason.
If I create somethinng, nobody can copy that. 

Look out cuz here I come..! 

I appreciate you have read this outburst of my feeling.
Hope I could someone who felt the same way as me
will have courage to create something from now … :))
See you in the future …!!