Diary 20240418-20240424

いつも更新する木曜日（25日）は満月や水星や体のバイオリズムやでemotional roller-coaster だったので手がつけられませんでした。体はめちゃくちゃ元気。ちょっと睡眠にムラがありますが皆さんどうでしょうか。季節のせいかな。

20240418

I accomplished something that was in my mind for a long time: bring my bike to a bike shop to fix it. Since I came back to my hometown, I usually use car or walk to places, and I’ve left my bike in the garage for years. I like the look of it and enjoyed riding it, but when one of the tires went flat, I just gave up fixing it..

The guy at the local repair shop was still kind and friendly (I’ve brought my bike there before), and gave me a call later to let me know how much it will cost and how long it will take. It’s not cheap, but it was within my budget and considering the type of the bike and how “well” I’ve taken care of it, I’m very happy with what he offered. The reason I was able to get off my lazy butt was the fact that it’s possible that I will live in Nara city. So whether it will go well or not, I’m already glad that I started to think about it.

20240419

The apartment I went to see this morning was newly renovated and good, but initial cost is quite expensive. I’ll wait until next Saturday, where I have an appointment to see another room of the same apartment and decide. I wonder how much they can discount…

I think I’m learning how to half listen.. I tend to take what E (or any other people who’s in a close relationship with me) says too seriously and end up getting worried or trying to see the meaning behind words.  Of course doing that and clarify things isn’t bad, if that makes me feel better or happier. I’m quite not sure how wanting to see me and being anxious about being in the relationship coexist, but I feel that I’m still looking forward seeing him, so that’s the answer for now.

That being said, I don’t think it’s not healthy for me to see him if he keeps saying or feeling unhappy with me or not looking forward to seeing me even if he likes me.  Because that hurts. Maybe I’ll tell him that in person and see how he responds.

20240420

I ended up not asking him what I wrote yesterday. He seemed happy to see me, so I just decided to be in the moment.

20240422

I had a full, fun day yesterday but because of the lack of sleep and tiredness from the cold rainy day, I went to bed before 9 and kept sleeping around 6.

I found a bug on the train and I was afraid if it flies the whole time. At the same time, I saw people sitting in front of me peacefully not noticing that, and thought it might’ve been better that way even though it would’ve been horrifying if it suddenly fell or something. That made me think, would any worries in our life be the same thing?

A ladybug flew on my jacket. It had two red dots on its black back. When I put my finger beside it, it came on. I wanted to let it fly, so I blow it. It fell off to my jacket once again and to the ground. Next moment I stepped into a puddle. I hope it didn’t fell off in the puddle.

20240423

Met a friend from high school for lunch before the class today. She is one of two friends from high school who I meet quite regularly. She has some different point of view, but (so?) I look forward to catching up with her every time.

We had a good discussion at class today as well. It was about giving a smartphone to our own children (and from how old), but also how to handle worries about them as a parent. Every one has a good point, but it was kind of fun (funny?) to see how S-san worries about his kids. It’s not very good to worry too much, but I saw how much he loves his kids.

20240424

I took a 6:58 train to go to Kyoto to go some places before the class. Starting from a café “Pear Press” to the good talk with A-san at the class, it was another wonderful day. It’s a shame I always rush to catch the train back home. There’s always a lot to talk with her. I’m also looking forward to talking with E tonight.

Also, I like the idea of “the default state of us is joy, love, free and feeling safe”.