August 18, 2022

Umm… day 2.
It's still day 2. 
Omg this life is killing me.

I have to stay in the basement until this Saturday. It's really tough for me. But fortunately I have so many friends who are caring me and they text me everyday. They are saving my feelings a lot.

The place where I am now doesn't have any window. This is the problem for me. I need the sunshine like plants and trees lol
I've heard that there are so many people have anxiety in the place where the sun shines less. Honestly when I lived in Portland, I felt like that. It was always raining in fall and winter there. I hadn't experienced it before, so I was like the weather was killing me. Now I feel like the same thing in the basement.

Now I feel like fine. Just have stuffy nose and sore throat. I eat well and sleep well so maybe I was lucky. I was texting my former boss who got Covid last months, and asked about how she felt about it. She is older than me so it was kinda serious situation for her, but she was fine. Hope it's not gonna be worse. 

I couldn't text to my host parents so much yesterday cuz I felt they were literally mad at me. I mean we had no choice cuz the virus is everywhere and I did so many things that I can. Even though I got covid, we had no choice so I couldn't understand why they were mad at me. I know it's my fault, and I expose them a lot. I feel so bad about it. But they texted me "I'm not gonna lie, but I'm so upset now" first. I was like what…? I know it's my fault and I was the one who exposed them, but without saying "do you feel okay?" or something? Huh, that was their true feelings and they don't even care about me.

I still have 5 months so I don't wanna mess up with our relationship but it's really hard for me to live with the people who has different thoughts. I think they don't believe me anymore. I hope I won't get the new house rules or something cuz I should not be controlled.

Sorry for not being positive but I gotta write this feelings down lol