つたない英語ではあるのだが(辞書くらい引こうよ)(ヤダよ今無理だよ)今朝ヨソのSNSに書いたのリポスト

I got a PTSD newly, lately. Very traumatized... No therapy here.

It strikes me so hardy. It's just like before, six years ago, "first" PTSD I got.

You all don't know me before that. I started Twitter and Facebook in English mainly after that, it was 2012 July, as just a fan of Tokio hotel, and bit later, also as a fan of BUCK-TICK.

English social media world was so comfortable to me. People were gentle, kind, friendly, honest, warming,... I didn't know such people and society here, Japan. I have been still welcomed I can believe that. If I were still good at different languages for Japanese, I talked to you all in English so much everyday, but now I can't. I've lost too much. Lost memories, physical strength (it's awful now, really), energies of all things to do, I wonder why can I write this message now.

Now I don't know what should I do. I'm scared to be honest like for this six years, I experienced the hell, really. I don't regret but don't want to experience that again.
My doctors and very a few people around me who know me since before say I've so changed seriously, certainly progressed, improved.

But now I'm feeling like I was killed again, destroyed again, my basic trusts to human being and this world just started to grow was destroyed.

I really don't know what should I do. So tired and scared of everything.

Sunday 6 May, 2018