Global Journey Blog Vol 3-Hinata Matsuda

Hello, I am Hinata Matsuda ☺.
It has already been 10 months since I came to Sweden to study. Time has passed quickly, but it has been packed with many events and I feel that I have grown as a person. This time I would like to introduce two of those events that I feel have changed my thinking, especially recently, and one thing about a cat cafe.

1. Remembering to "play”
2. The trouble of speaking Japanese
3. The cat cafe in Sweden

1. Remembering to "play

The other day, I was taking a walk with no particular destination in mind, I found a sign for a gallery that was open only for a limited time.  I saw a nice photo there, so I followed the directions on the sign and found the gallery. There was a large window and I could see inside from the outside, and saw a man painting in a warmly lit room, a beautiful painting that I assumed was his work on the wall, and a woman sitting on a sofa.

I was excited, thinking, "Wow, this is nice, I wonder what kind of encounters and conversations I will have when I enter here," but at the same time I was thinking, "I don't speak Swedish, I wonder if it would be rude not to buy the painting if I enter, and I am not familiar with arts, so I wonder if I would bother them if I enter. I was going back and forth in front of the gallery, but I couldn't find the courage to go inside.

And just as I was about to walk toward the station to go back to my home, I heard the voice of an old man. He was saying something to me in Swedish with a smile. I did not understand what he said, but I decided to go in.

(This is the place I walked before I went to the gallery. It was cloudy, but the green, brown and other colors of plants were stunning in this weather)

Once inside, I saw many nice paintings on the wall that I couldn't see from outside, and the space was comfortable with relaxing music and lighting. And when I told the old man there that I can’t speak Swedish, he spoke fluent English to me. Every time I visit, I am amazed at how many people who seem to be over 50 years old speak fluent English.

Then he told me, "Welcome to the gallery, you were wondering whether to enter or not and gathered your courage to come here!” I felt both embarrassed and happy to be welcomed.

He was painting a picture, so I asked him, "What are you drawing? 
I was surprised by his answer. He said  "I don't know haha”
 I wanted to know what kind of picture he was drawing, but I did not expect this answer.

He said, "I don't know what I am drawing, but I am just drawing, and sometimes when I see the finished work, I feel like wow, and impressed”

And since he was drawing so well, I also asked him, "Where did you learn to draw?" He replied, "I never learned it, I do it because I enjoy it. I'm practicing to express my inner feelings, and painting is the only way to do that now.”

He also asked me, "Do you still remember "playing" as you did when you were a child? I replied that I had forgotten a lot of it.

This conversation got me thinking about many things.
First of all, I felt that I had been applying logical thinking and the idea that it is good to have a clear goal or objective and do something toward it in my hobbies and free time.

Like when I was a child, I wanted to play, so I just kind of did it anyway, and somehow I found myself dancing or singing English songs the way I wanted to.

I also want to express my feelings in ways other than through words, letters, and attitudes.

I have been learning to dance since elementary school and still dance with friends as a hobby, but I don't think I have ever done much "playing" or "expressing" my emotions. When I was learning, of course I enjoyed it, but I had a lot of emotions to not make mistakes, to look beautiful, and to get a good ranking. When I started cover dancing as a hobby, I was mainly thinking about things like being able to dance the same way as the original dancers.

But from now on, I would like to enjoy my own body movements, genuinely enjoy dancing to music, and express my emotions.

Now that I am in a local dance circle in Sweden and also dance with my friends outside of lessons, I would like to practice this "playing," "expressing feelings," and enjoying it at those times.

I also enjoyed talking about Japan with a person from Stockholm (capital of Sweden) who was in the gallery. I was really happy to meet new people and learn new ways of thinking by coming here.

I really appreciate that the old man approached me from inside. 

2. The trouble of speaking Japanese

(I often think about people's feelings very much when communicating with them and get troubled by that. I don't think I could explain all of the feelings behind my thoughts and actions, or the situation at that time, but I tried to convey them as best I could! Please understand :)

I have both Japanese and friends from other countries. 
There are not many non-Japanese friends who can speak Japanese. (Although sometimes there are people who can speak Japanese as well as Japanese and know more about Japanese than I do).

In a group with friends from various countries, including Japan, if a Japanese friend talk me in Japanese, I tend to reply in Japanese. I don't do it every time, but I do it for a variety of reasons: it is quicker to get the message across, I feel more comfortable speaking in my own language, I can tell a joke, and so on.

But when I do so, I am always concerned about my friends nearby who do not understand Japanese, even if they are not directly involved in the conversation. I felt a little apologetic, thinking that since she does not speak Japanese, she probably does not understand what we are talking about right now.

And so the situation continued where I would end up speaking Japanese while feeling sorry for myself. I felt that I was running away from speaking English to Japanese because it was more comfortable for me to do so.

At that time, I had an incident that made me think about changing my behavior.

I have a German friend (I’ll call this friend as A) and one day I heard that A's family, cousins and friends were visiting Sweden from Germany for a while.

(The bread I cooked with A and other friends. I often cook meals with them)

At that time, I asked A, "Would you like to have dinner with the members of that group?" Since A and I were close friends, I heard that her family and cousins were also welcoming us, and I was grateful to be able to join them. Of course I was looking forward to joining, but I was a little worried that I would not be able to keep up with the conversation since everyone was from Germany except me and I was the only one who did not speak German. On the day of the meeting, everyone welcomed me very warmly.

What surprised me was that everyone spoke English almost all the time, even when they were not speaking with me.
Even when two family members were talking to each other, they were speaking English if they were near me. I was surprised at how well they spoke English, but more than that, even though they would have been more comfortable speaking their native language, German, they used English.

A’s  brother there told me, "I’m speaking English so that Hinata can come into the conversation anytime☺". I was so happy I thought I was going to cry and I felt comfortable because I felt I was included.

Of course, there were times when they spoke in German, but I didn't mind at all, including the timing and length of the conversation.

The words of this A brother stayed with me for a long time, and I felt that I wanted to become someone who could create such an environment.

And when I tried to put it into practice, it was difficult. Then I found another reason why I end up speaking Japanese among Japanese people.

That is, I felt embarrassed to expose my poor English to Japanese people.

I think the idea that speaking in English = trying to be cool, and that it is embarrassing to not speak perfect English, was formed in my mind from a young age without my knowing it. I have seen contents that says "people who speak English and trying to be cool but use the wrong words and grammar," and the English speakers who I’ve seen, from my point of view, speak English fluently, so I think the idea that I need to speak perfect English when I speak English has become ingrained in my mind. 

This idea was almost gone in the first half of my stay in Sweden.
When I speak English with non-Japanese (people who are learning English as a second language like me or people who speak English as their first language), I don't feel so shy anymore. I have come to think that it is natural for people who are learning English as a second language, as well as native English speakers, to make mistakes in English. I realized that it is nothing to be ashamed of making mistakes in English, and I realized this in my daily life.

Of course, I still feel a little shy and hesitant, but I am more willing to share my opinions and I often think that this is a chance to learn! I began to think more and more, "This is a chance to learn!

However, even in the middle of my stay in Japan, I still felt hesitant to speak English with other Japanese people. I thought it was because I had been speaking Japanese in Japanese since I was in Japan, and even though I thought it’s natural to make mistakes while learning English, I did not have the experience of actually doing it on a daily basis, feeling it, and getting rid of my hesitation and embarrassment.

But here I remembered an experience in which I felt uncomfortable because I was the only one who did not understand the language.
A few years ago, I was in a group of four people, including myself, one Japanese and two Koreans.

The three of them could speak Korean fluently, so they were having a lot of conversations in Korean. At the time, I was at the level of being able to carry on a very simple conversation in Korean, so I could not keep up with the conversation at all when the speed was too fast or when many words I did not understand were used. After one lively conversation, a Korean girl said to a Japanese girl, "Could you explain what we talked to Hinata?☺," and I finally understood. I know they are kind to me and I could understand them speaking in Korean because they are comfortable with Korean rather than English, not Japanese,but I still did not feel I was included.

Looking back on this experience, I realized that I should speak in a language that everyone in the group could understand, because there might be other people who felt the same way when I was in the Japanese and Korean group. I wanted to overcome my shyness and hesitation and speak in a language that everyone there could understand and create an environment that would make it as easy as possible for everyone to speak.

And just recently I was able to put this into practice. I was chatting with a Japanese girl at a chit chat event  in one of the dormitories. A French girl who did not speak Japanese came up to us and greeted me. I was in the middle of answering her in Japanese, but then I switched to English. The Japanese girl also started speaking in English, and the French girl naturally joined in the conversation.

I have a certain idea of the kind of person I want to be, but sometimes I act in a way that is contrary to that idea. So I felt that I would like to face these feelings one by one as I did this time.

3. The cat café in Sweden

Since I have been talking about serious things, I would like to write a little about cat cafes in Sweden!

I have cats at home, and I will be back home in two months, so I will be able to see them soon, but I really wanted to see and pet cats, so I went to a cat café.

The owner told me that it was OK to post photos of the cats on social media, so I would like to post photos of three of the seven or so cats there. 

Aren't they too cute?

The clerk at the cafe , these black cats are still babies.Their heads were so tiny that I was petting them with my fingertips, not the palm of my hand.

A friend of mine said that cats come to quiet people, and it was true.
I was about to scream a bit because they were so cute, but I tried to be patient not to do that, and sat quietly on a nearby chair without getting too close, and the cat came to me there.

Before entering this room, the receptionist explained to me that this café supports cats that can no longer be kept for various reasons, such as the death of their owners or going to nursing homes, and works to find new owners for them.

So the cats that were here are also looking for foster homes☺.

Besides, there was a room for cats that guests were not allowed to enter, and cats were always free to enter there. The one in the first picture of the white cat is one of the entrances to that room.

I was really happy to go there and I couldn't stop smiling on the way back, thinking about the cute cats. I hardly saw any stray cats in Sweden, so it was the first time in 10 months that I was healed by touching cats.
I am looking forward to meeting my parents' cat next.

↓By the way, this is the cat cafe I went to☺I think it will be smoother if you make a reservation!

Purrfect Café
Sveagatan 6A, 413 14 Göteborg, Sweden

Thank you for reading this far!
Next time, I will write about Swedish events I have experienced, as well as about the local dance community!