Come up higher (short novel)
This translation is from
a part of my new book,
"Fall in love with Jesus"
Written in Japanese.
“Yes - yes - of course it's difficult.”
She sang as she spoke. Dish sponge in her hand, fighting with a sink-full of dirty dishes. She is emitting melody from within, like a little dreamer. I always feel the presence of the Living Fountain when I’m beside her. And I am not the only one drawn to her.
“Why do you ask that now?”
I just wanted to hear it once more. Her testimony from the ground, from her lips. It’s mid-summer Sunday afternoon in Matsumoto, Nagano pref. Outside the kitchen window, where the rose of Sharon sweetly blossoms, a refreshing breeze blew through.
“I’ve thought of it many times, about quitting church. But I am living in the church, I cannot escape from it even if I want to. Responsibility is so heavy. yet I am so immature. I thought about running away, many many times.”
“You see many things here, living in the church. Awful things, betrayal, and much more. You are exposed to the front and rear of people, things you wouldn’t want to know. Yet still, I was required to keep a poker face, for I was an assistant pastor’s wife, you know.”
“I didn’t know it would be that hard when I came here. I’ve made many mistakes and got hurt many times along the way. But every time, my late husband told me, Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. It was irritating at times.”
“Sometimes, I think of church like a washing machine. I am turned upside down, bubble all over me, and swallow ashes. It’s so painful, sometimes I even feel the physical pain. But by swallowing ashes, it seems like I am being cleansed from within. The work is not yet done, but I am so much cleaner than the beginning.”
She is my mystery, this gracious lady singing her trial like a song. Ever since I first stepped into this church. It’s been more than a decade. Both of us were still in our twenties. I was just a wanton sinner living without God. But even then, she was living in a church, living the church and bearing the heavy burden of cleaning, cooking, and serving on her little shoulder.
This place is both my church and her house. A huge mansion surrounded by woods, still left in the city of Matsumoto. She and her late husband could have been just an ordinary upper-class couple in the country. But in reality, they belonged to the species of people, who gave up their all to Jesus Christ.
“Do you remember the Golden Week service of last year?”
Of course, I do. An old preacher named Pastor Stephen came, and many people came to hear him. Such pleasant memories, like translucent golden days.
“I wanted to invite as many as I could, for Pastor Stephen is coming from America. So I invited Saki-chan. Kume-san, it's the Saki-chan who had a crush on you. She hasn’t been to the church for years, but I was still in touch with her.”
“Saki-chan was awkward. I knew I’d be turned away. It’s not pleasant to invite someone, knowing you’ll be turned away. She told me on the phone, that she will spend her vacation in the southern islands. Saki-chan said to me at the end, Yae-san, you are always bound by the church, can’t you go on vacation at all?”
“Was I her stumbling block? Did my miserable struggle keep her away from church? I wanted her to seek what lies beyond. Beyond the Prince Charming in the church, further beyond that. Yes, yes, I am talking about you, Kume-san. I am letting you know.”
I acted as if I didn’t hear, took a nearby towel, and wiped the surface of the kitchen stove. I saw my reflection vaguely on the black glass top. Haha, 37 years old and still get to be called a prince! If it wasn’t sarcasm, I’d be a happy man though.
“It was a busy week with so much to do. And troubles poured down like a rain, like a premonition of things to come. Maki got a cold, the hallway leaked, and the washing machine broke. With 38℃ fever and constant cough, Maki said to me, This will be wonderful service, seeing how anxious the devils are getting.”
“I was a bit afraid of Pastor Stephen. I was told he is very spiritual and has the gift of a prophet, so I was afraid he might see me through. But was very gentle. He was enfolding his nervousness with a smile and politeness. Talking with him, I felt like I was peaking into the deep depth of the Holy Spirit. I understood why Pastor Paul and my husband were looking up to him like a father.”
“I was assigned to interpret Pastor Stephen’s preaching on day 2. The message was about King Saul, King David, and King Abshalom. The difference between wearing the power of the Holy Spirit outside and having your spirit broken by the Holy Spirit from within. It was so heavy, yet like a whirlpool it came, and I could interpret it with anointing. I felt the fire igniting on the listeners.”
“Then suddenly, there was a blackout. The room got dark, the screen went out and the microphone muted. Startled, I looked up to Pastor Stephen. He grinned at me, and as if nothing had happened, he started preaching again like a fire, by the dim light from the window screen.
“Next, we had the foot washing service. Sisters gathered here in the kitchen. I somehow felt blue that time. I didn’t feel like I could go into the crowd of people washing each other's feet. So I was left to the very end. But Sister Chen found me and escorted me to the chair. She told me, I know what you are going through, and prayed a beautiful prayer for me while washing my feet. I cried like a baby.”
“The last day was beautiful beyond description. Sister Lucia cooked us delicious Spanish dishes and I didn’t even have to stand in the kitchen. I was like a carefree young girl all over again. And the worship was like ascending into the Heavenly realm.”
“I felt that moment. An image of a translucent water flowing, and I standing in it to scoop the sand gold on the bottom. Oh, this is the real Golden Week, I thought. I will gladly sacrifice my liberty and vacation for such a moment. Because I was touching the unseen realm of the living God.”
“At the end of the day, Maki finally woke up from the bed and did a short preaching. Do you remember that? I was standing at the back of the room and listened to it. From far, maybe because of exhaustion, he looked like an old man.”
“Then, Maki looked at my eyes and said. Come up higher. So you will not trip and fall. Even when others fall around you, you have to keep on going. Remember this, when you are weary. You just need to step aside and let God do everything for you. Keep on going, this blessed way of suffering…..”
A few months later, on a summer evening, he crossed to the other side. Leaving this beautiful, standing here in the kitchen, her eye slightly moist. A dark cloud has come by, and the room is in its shade.
A few days ago, we made a promise to carry on the torch. When Stephen got killed by stoning, God raised Paul to carry the torch, so fire would not be extinguished.
I can see what lies beyond. Beyond the suffering on the ground, beyond the foolishness of humanity. From the unseen realm, just there by our side, I hear a call. -Come up higher and see. I am bigger than your imagination. I wish you could see this beautiful picture that is in front of me.
“If we are together.”
Suddenly, the beautiful has said. A decade of suffering on the ground beautified her soul. She is the catalyst for my conversion. She who does not pretend but just speaks Jesus Christ by her life.
“Yes, we are together. But I am no substitute for Maki-san. I can’t preach. Maybe you should start teaching me how to cook.”
The beautiful laughed. A rain shower has passed the garden. As the fog arose from petals of gentle pink flowers, I left the house swinging the umbrella I just borrowed. Dancing in my head, after the rain.
Other translations from the book
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