The words cannot be conveyed by words.
We cannot put into words all of our emotions.
It is even more impossible to confine all of our love to words.
As a premise, words always reach our ears with an inadequate sound for love and are reflected in our eyes in an imperfect shape.
For example, when I told my mother that I was going to take a leave of absence from college and travel the world as a backpacker, she said, "What are you talking about?".
I tried to persuade her many times and even made a presentation on the route I was going to take, choosing only the safest countries, but my mother never affirmed my curiosity.
No matter what I said, she would always say, "Why now?" "You will be able to do it after you graduate from college".
However, I didn't think that 'when' I did it was truly important to her.
My mother had never been to a foreign country.
She was just scared and worried that I would go to a world she hadn't known for a year.
I could explain my desire to go on a journey with words, but I couldn't remove her anxiety about my future with words.
No matter what I did, I couldn't.
That's why I forced my way through.
I stole my father's seal from his room and submitted a leave of absence to the university without parental consent. A few weeks later, my mother received the letter that my leave of absence had been accepted by the university, and she was furious.
Honestly, I felt "sorry" a lot but I never said it.
I was just determined never to make my mother unhappy. If her happiness is me being happy.
I knew that making this decision would make me happier.
Looking back on it now, it's super selfish. I do feel sorry, but I still don't think I was wrong. Not even now.
In life, there are times when we have to believe in our own excitement, even if it's unfounded, and move forward. Though we can't explain it well or we're opposed by important people.
Her immense insecurity, and the anger in her words, it was all rooted in love. I knew it. That's why I didn't say sorry.
I decided to take responsibility for my decision instead of apologizing.
Actually, love might be expressed less frequently with the direct words 'I love you'.
On the day of my departure, "You're really going, aren't you?" To this last question, I simply replied, "Yes, thank you," and boarded the plane.
Neither her words nor mine were enough for what was in our hearts.
There must have been countless words in my life that my loved ones did not ask or say to me, words that were cut off in the process of choice.
How much love, compassion, and kindness have there been?
We will never know. We are always overlooking love.
No matter how much we try to be careful not to, I think it's never enough.
Words always reach our ears with an inadequate sound for love and are reflected in our eyes in an imperfect shape.
Is 'words' the most effective tool for conveying emotions?
True kindness is always born in a place unknown to me and carried away to a place I cannot know. I can only imagine where the words that couldn't find words go and express gratitude.
The word 'thank you' itself also isn't enough for gratitude. Still, no, precisely because of that, I believe there is value in struggling or agonizing over words.
言葉はいつも、愛を取りこぼしているね。
「ありがとう」という言葉も、ありがとうをこぼしているね。
それでも、いや、だからこそ、言葉を尽くすことに意味があると思っているよ。