【Aren't you good at socializing?】 This is why you get exhausted from people and how to overcome.

There are two kinds of people in the world.

Those who are good at socializing.
and
Those who are not good at socializing.

People who are good at socializing can relieve stress by "gassing off the mind" with heart-to-heart communication.

People who are not good at socializing with others get nervous and cannot relax when they are around other people, and they get tired and exhausted in a flash.

Where does this difference come from?

In this article, I would like to talk about the causes of fatigue (fuh·teeg) when you are with people and how to deal with them.

Over-Adaption

People who get tired of socializing have a tendency to not be self-important and adjust their opinions to everyone.

It's hard for them to say to people outside the family that" I like this", "I do not like this ", "I do not agree with this" and etc..

Because they are always trying to fit in like this, they don't have time to relax and they get tired just listening to people.

In psychology, this is called "Over-Adaptation".
It means that you are too much in tune with your surroundings.

People who like socializing are very energetic and very vocal about their opinions.

By having conversations, you can release your "pent up feelings" and relieve stress.

That's why they are always so energetic!

They assert themselves so clearly that the more people they meet, the more energized they become.

Think of all the energetic people around you.
I'm sure he's the type of person who "speaks his mind".

If you are one who speaks up for yourself then
you get fun when you see people.

If you are one who cannot speak up for yourself then
you get exhausted when you see people.

The end goal of this topic is to "become a person who can clearly assert oneself in order to not get tired of dealing with people.

To do so, let's first look at the causes of your inability to assert ourselves.

Why did you lose your self-importance?

The reason for the inability to assert oneself is mostly due to the relationship with one's parents in childhood.

Relationships with parents in early childhood
1. You have a lack of love in infancy
2. You have been instilled with a "false notion"

1. You have a lack of love and a sense of security for others
By around age 3 or 4, if you don't get enough love from your parents...
It doesn't foster a sense of security for people.

This is true not only for humans but also for animals.
It's said that puppies should not be separated from their mothers until two months of age.
If they don't get a lot of love and affection from their mother
They don't develop a sense of security with people, and they become dumb and unapproachable.

Humans are no different.
If you don't develop a sense of security, you'll get nervous just being around other people, and you'll get tired quickly.
This condition is called "low self-esteem".

2. You have been instilled with a "false notion"
If kids were scolded like "Don't be selfish!", they think "If I say my opinion, I'll be offended," and they stop giving their opinions.

If parent blames their kids with anger "Why did you only score 30?".
Kids may try to hide their true selves by thinking "People who are less capable will not be loved."
In this way, they are instilled with "false notions" by adults and become unable to assert themselves.

People who don't speak their mind tend to appear "humble" at first glance.　But because you're not letting your emotions out, you're building up plenty of stress in your mind.

That stress is "social fatigue".
When you have such a false notion in the back of your mind, you will feel the fear of not being able to make a mistake in public.

By weakening these fears, nurtured in childhood, you will gradually be able to assert yourself.

How to improve "Tired of being around people"

The main reason for this is that at an early age, you were convinced that people with lesser abilities would not be loved.

But that mindset is wrong.

The reality is that people are loved more for their shortcomings than their strengths.

People are respected for their strengths and loved for their weaknesses. 

It has been proven that people who are clumsy are more likely to be liked by those who are not. 

To weaken the fear of not being able to make a mistake in public... we need to realize the reality that "people are loved for their shortcomings"

Here is the training method for that.
Tell people about your little failures.
You can talk about your failures in any way you like!
If you talk about your failures with an open mind, you will realize that people are loved for their shortcomings.

In addition, you'll feel closer to the other person, and the conversation will be more enjoyable.
And as they talked more and more about their failures... "If you bring out the shortcomings, you have gained! The body learns to do this.

At the same time, the "fear of not being able to make a mistake in public" decreases.
Honestly, just because you've done this doesn't mean you can change in a week or so.

Habits of childhood are still persistent.

However, if you persevere, you will gradually develop a sense of security for others, and you will be able to say what you want to say.

You will be able to be more assertive and socialize with others more easily.

Once you are able to assert yourself, you should be more confident and clear about your thoughts.
I think pushing your thoughts away and treating people the way you do is to say you're not living your confidence.
It means that you are playing a masked imposter for the moment that you are not.　
Your opinions change frequently, so it's possible to pass the buck, but in the long run, people won't trust you.
Say what you think from your heart and you'll get real friends and partners who are perfect for you.　
It's important to note that you can't just say whatever you want to say without thinking. It's important to communicate your opinion politely and wisely while being respectful of the other person.
Don't transmit the word emotionally. You have to be polite and respectful of the people around you so that you don't ruin the atmosphere by voicing your opinion. It may be difficult at first, but with repeated practice, you will get better and better at it.　
Before you know it, you'll be able to be polite and nice and chatty with everyone, and you'll be surrounded by like-minded friends who love you.

Summing up

The reason why you get tired when you are with people is that you are not asserting yourself clearly.
Understand that people will love you for your shortcomings, and tell people about your little failures.
Be polite and assert yourself while respecting the other person.

I hope you'll take the first step toward a life that you'll be able to live in a way that makes you happy.　

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If you have any thoughts on this topic, please write your opinion in the comments section below, it will make UZI happy and it will be good training for your self-asserting as well.

Who is Uzi? ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I am a Japanese software developer who works for the government sector. I study every day while receiving advice from my seniors in the business. I am interested in Artificial Intelligence, IT, Business, Marketing, Trade, Money, Brain science and English.

My Twitter: https://twitter.com/yahmane
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEc3ARJ7-viDMmD175Dhs5Q
My Motto: “Be down to be up! Being down is an opportunity for you to improve!!”

I love to take any challenges that excite me, even if I am not good at them.
As you can see from my YouTube channel, I am not very really good at speaking English for YouTube. But I am OK to show my damn as I can only improve from there.

I'll be sharing ideas and life hacks on a regular basis that I wish I'd known earlier. Hopefully, you like them.

自己紹介++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

海外の政府機関でＩＴエンジニアをしながら起業の準備をしています。　ビジネスの先輩たちにアドバイスをもらいながら日々勉強しています。 未来・AI人工知能・IT・ビジネス・マーケティング・トレード・お金・海外生活・起業・営業・脳科学・英語などに興味があり、Indexファンドや為替通貨を中心に資産運用をしています。

最近英語でYouTubeをはじめました。全然下手くそだけどそのうち上手くなればいいなって思ってます。

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEc3ARJ7-viDMmD175Dhs5Q
親ばかチャンネル： https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6cZIri69gGWf6NROOk-2OA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/yahmane

座右の銘は「凹んで大きくなれ　凹むのはあなたが大きくなるチャンス」です。

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