IELTS 練習エッセイ 7.5～8.0

IELTSのタスク２のライティングの練習をやっているとChatgptから7.5～8.0の評価をいただいたので共有。

TOPIC Nowadays more and more people are becoming overweight. Some argue that the price of fattening foods should be increased to address this issue. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the past few years, there has been a substantial increase in the number of individuals being afflicted by obesity, which has been gaining significant amount of attention among the general population as one of the serious health issues. To cope with this problem, putting up the price of fattening foods has been proposed as one of the possible solutions by some people. However, in my opinion, I mostly disagree with this idea as we cannot pay any attention to nutritional balance and there are some contributing factors for many people to suffer from ongoing obesity.

To begin with, there is an argument to be made that increasing the prices of foods which are high in fat has the potential to impede people's abilities to have well-balanced diets. To illustrate this point, amidst economic uncertainties stemming from multiple causes, making fattening foods less affordable encourages us to avoid these food products, which is why many people have less chances to ingest fat. For this reason, it is clearly evident that numerous people bear the brunt of unbalanced nutritional value because they increasingly depend on food products which include no fatty materials, possibly leading to them falling prey to serious illnesses.

Furthermore, there is a growing body of evidence to suggest that main causes of innumerable people becoming obesity are inextricably linked to countless complex factors. To exemplify, it has been widely observed from evidence provided by numerous sociologists that marginalised groups in some segments of society have the tendency to be overweight. Therefore, it is undeniable that governmental officials across the board should devise an optimal approach to deal with underlying causes compounding this grave issue. What is more, countless experts have repeatedly stated that societal surveys conducted over the past few decades often cite the fact that racial minorities disproportionately burden the effects of obesity. This being the case, it is not unreasonable to assume that it is imperative for us to take multiple elements into consideration when addressing the issue of obesity.

To conclude from the aforementioned discussion, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that making fattening foods expensive is not an effective solution to dealing with the problem of overweight as public generals probably suffer from a lack of balanced nutritional value and other complex societal factors to deteriorate the issue of obesity.