Diary 20240410-20240417

「結果は（見えないけど）決まっているのだから、今は自分が一番幸せな過ごし方をすれば・道を選べば良い」という言葉が支えてくれています。「あの時あの場所に行っていなければ、今の生き方はしてないかも」というのも一つの考え方だけど、いつからか「どう行動したって今の私にたどり着いたような気もするな」と思っていたので。握りしめている手を緩めたら、ほら〜楽に楽しくなるでしょう、という練習をしている。菩薩なのでね。

20240411

I’ve been concerned about the mole-like thing on my genital area, so I called a gynecologist to make an appointment. Also, the flatulence around lower-right stomach area has been another concern, so I told about it on the phone too. I’d expected that it would be a few weeks later, but the receptionist said “Can you come today at 4?”. I was a bit surprised, but the sooner the better.

To cut to the point, it wasn’t anything bad and the doctor was nice (the way she talks makes patients relax, I think). She told me, “Your left ovary is about to an egg this month”. I didn’t know I can know such a thing by ultrasound (through the anus..), so that was a bit fun. Also she said “Your womb looks good and beautiful”, which was another nice thing to hear and I felt proud of my body.

20240412

Starting with a nice chat with my student, I had another great day overall. I’m excited about living in Nara city, so I’ll keep looking and find some possible apartments. I don’t know when and how I get contacted from E, but I decided to try to forget about it for a while.

20240413

I want to live in an apartment where I can feel safe and comfortable every day. I try not to rush until I find the one I like. At the same time, I haven’t given up on going to Europe within a few years. I’d thought I need to choose either one, but maybe I want to proof I was wrong. E texted me last night that he was going to talk with me last night, but he was too tired and suggested tonight. I don’t know what he’s gonna talk, but if we still can keep this relationship, I’d like to tell him that we can take it easy.

20240414

Walked around a possible town to live. It was very peaceful and nice, but what I realized I’m worried is noise from other tenants.. I know there’re some of those that’s quieter, so I’ll just keep looking and guessing and trying to visit rooms. At the same time, I’m quite sure there’s the one.

Helped the art book shop again in the afternoon. Happy to see some familiar faces and have a customer from L.A., who’s an artist. She was very nice and I’m glad she looked happy to drop by the shop.

20240415

I’m grateful that I feel grateful for everything that happened today as well. It’s surprising M-san came at the end of today as we talked about her a while before. “The end results are already written, so choose a path that you can enjoy, feel happy or excited” S-san told me, saying that this is what M-san said, and I’d like to keep this in my mind. She was a free spirit as she always is.

20240416

I send a request to look some rooms of an apartment. I feel that how they react affect my decision.. I don’t want to care too much, but since now we’re in Mercury retrograde, I’ll be more careful when it comes to a big decision.

I’m trying not to rely too much on astrology, but sometimes it explains a lot about the situation I’m in. I haven’t read them for a while, but what Yukari Ishii-san says is that we’re about to be at a peak of what we started last May, and if that’s related to something from 2018, it’s gonna be a big, busy moment from this week to May. I’m thrilled. Let’s go with the flow.

20240417

It’s been quite hot for this time of the year. I’ve been wearing T-shirt since last weekend or so… Will it be like this and just getting hotter this year? Hope to find a chance to wear a long sleeve before we get into summer.

I had a walk in my favorite park with my mom. Although the air was hazy with yellow sand, it felt nice to walk in the young greens.

I’ve been feeling like I’m having a lot of sugar or carb for breakfast recently, so I’ll try to have less of them. Some greens, fruits, nuts, yogurt and maybe a piece of bread would be nicer.

I got a text from E last night, asking if I want to meet this weekend. It’s good. It was not easy not to think or worry about us, but got easier since I started to find an apartment and found some possible ones. It’s good.