【TED】#10 10 ways to have a better conversation: Celeste Headlee

It’s a browsing record of a TED talk. The video this time is here; (11min 36sec, Mar 2015)

10 ways to have a better conversation

▶︎ Conclusion

To introduce 10 ways for a better conversation, which have the same concept; be interested in other people and most importantly be prepared to be amazed.

▶︎ Contents

A lot of people have unfriended someone on Facebook because they said something offensive about politics, religion, childcare or food, etc.  
Also, many people know at least one person that we avoid because we just don’t want to talk to them. 

It used to be that in order to have a polite conversation we just had to stick to the weather and our health, but these days with climate change and anti-vaxxing, those subjects are not safe either.
So, every conversation in this world has the potential to devolve into an argument even the most trivial of issues.

Some research found that at this moment, we are more polarized and we are more divided than we have ever been in history.
Also, we make decisions about where to live, who to marry, and even who our friends are going to be based on what we already believe.
That means we are not listening to each other. 

A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.
Now part of that is due to technology.

The speaker teaches us how to talk and how to listen in order to have a good conversation like feeling engaged, inspired, or like we've made a real connection or we've been perfectly understood.

There are 10 basic rules.

1. Don't multitask; Be present and be in that moment.
2. Don't pontificate; Have something to learn and set aside own opinion.
3. Use open-ended qustions; Use 5W1H. 
4. Go with the flow; Thoughts will come into our mind, and we need to let them go out of our mind.
5. If you don't know, say that you don't know.
6. Don't equate your experience with theirs; It's never same and all experiences are individual. 
7. Try not to reperat yourself; It's condisending, and really boring. 
8. Stay out of the weeds; Forget the details (people don't care).
9. (the most important one) Listen; "If your mouth is open, you're not learning." "Most of us don't listen with the intent of understand. We listen with the intent to reply." We have to listen to one another for real conversation.
10. Be brief; A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.

All of this boils down to the same basic concept; be interested in other people and most importantly be prepared to be amazed.

▶︎ Personal Comments

As this video mentions, sometimes I don't concentrate on the conversation and I think about other things during the conversation.

However, I believe it's true that everyone must be an expert or teacher in some area, so firstly, I'd like to be more interested in the person who is in front of me and become a good listener for that person in order to learn something from the person.

Then, I want to learn the 10 basic rules mentioned in this video one by one.