英検１級合格までの道のり⑦〜IELTS6.5レベルのエッセイ大公開編〜

こんばんは。現在の時刻は夜の1時20分です。

今日の勉強

今日はバイトがあったので単語とライティングの勉強しかできなかったです。
というわけで、IELTSのWriting６.5を取得した僕のライティング力を披露したいと思います。

お題：【音楽は文化とさまざまな年齢の人々をつなぐツールになると思いますか？】

Some insist that music becomes a bridge that connects different cultures and ages. I completely agree with both points of views.
Playing music has a significant role in bringing people of different cultures Because the musical score is universal.Even if they can not understand the different language or communicate with foreigners, it is possible to perform music together by using an instrument. For example, when my friend studied abroad to English speaking country, his ability to play a musical instrument allowed him to make a lot of new foreign friends. It is because they could join the music club nevertheless he did not have enough English proficiency to communicate with foreigners.
Music makes it possible to connect to a wide range of ages because singing a song or playing an instrument does not require physical strength like sports, which allows people from children to the elderly to play together as one team. In fact, some orchestras are made up of people aged from 20 to 70. In addition to that, one local government made the music community in order to provide a wide variety of ages to communicate and interact. In this way, playing music promotes an interaction between the youth and the old.
In conclusion, I believe that music has an indispensable role in bringing people of different cultures and ages together because all of the people know how to play music and it exists in almost all cultures. Furthermore, they can sing or play equally regardless of their ages or power.

たぶんこれで6.5くらいはとれてんじゃないかなと思います。（あくまで自分の意見）なぜなら、前回のIELTSで、“アイディア全然出て来なくてこりゃダメだ“と諦めて書いたエッセイで6.5とれてたからで。上記のエッセイは1時間半くらいかけて書きました。7.0は100%とれてないと思います。たぶん。

なんか文法のミスとかあったら、教えてくれると嬉しいです。

終わりに

単語頑張ります。