(10) A First Grader

Before school started in April in 1947, I became 7 years old on February 25th. Father made all the things I needed for entering the first grade; a shoulder bag made with sackcloth (or cotton canvas). And when he made a pencil case and a shitajiki(=a pencil board) with a tinplate sheet, he explained quite gladly, "A diamond cutter is so hard that we can cut tinned sheet or any metals," and cut with the sounds of squeaks. He took care to polish with sandpapers again and again the sharp edges made by cutting, so as not for me to be hurt.

As for notebooks, he cut rough writing paper into the same size, and with a binding and cover, he made several ones. Smiling joyfully, he made them all for me and I felt my heart warmed and happy.

Only one thing he couldn't prepare was crayons. He was in need of money because he had spent so much for my brothers and sister's expenses for their schools, and had no more for a box of crayons for me. Finally, Reiko and Hiroshi gave me a few pieces of the remnant crayons which were about one centimeter long. Reiko put them into a small cloth bag for me. 　In it, there were no often used blue or green crayons.

Instead of shoes, I was given a pair of geta (= wooden clogs). I was glad to see dark red clog thongs. I didn't know then they were made by Father with his fervent prayer for us family to return safely from North Korea. I found out about this when I was a high school student. 　My aunt Fumi told me that he had made seven clogs one pair for each of us.

With these things, I was taken to the school by upper students from the neighbourhood. How I wish if I had been cheerful or self-confident like Reiko and Hiroshi!  I was just of the opposite disposition, and on the first day, I was left utterly crushed. What I had with me were quite different from the things the other girls had around me.

The girl next to my desk took out from her new red-leather satchel a pink pencil case, on which a beautiful flower was drawn, and its round corner looked soft to the touch.  In the pencil case, long freshly sharpened pencils were lined cleanly. Her pencil board was of red celluloid on which a pretty girl was largely drawn.  Not only by the colour but by the soft supple look, I was fascinated so much that I didn't feel like taking out my things. I did wish I had such beautiful things.

The Obie Village was a farming area, and had not been damaged in the war at all, there seemed to be lots of wealthy families. That was why almost all the girls in the class had the similar satchels, pencil cases and pencil boards. They had a box of twelve new crayons, and there were some who had a large box of 24 coloured crayons.

It was natural that I disliked drawing pictures. How I would have been happier, if I could have asked someone to lend me green or blue or other colour crayons.

All of them came from the Kindergarten which I was once taken to and didn't enter, and they knew each other very well, but I was alone and I couldn't talk to them.

Even worse, the geta was too heavy for my thin legs, and soon I had hurt both my ankles, had high fever and could not walk any more.  I was absent from school many days. I cannot remember whether I had been given a new pair of shoes or not.

To my regret, I didn't like the white bag made of sackcloth, and I wanted to have such pretty satchel and writing materials like the other girls.

Whenever I remembered those days, I can't help muttering to myself,  'I'm sorry, Dad!  You worked on them so hard for me. That I know.  And I'm very sorry for that!"