Emptiness and the Abyss of Expression

I have a clear definition of a great actor.
Being an empty actor.
An actor who is nothing in himself.
It does not mean that he/she has no personality.
Rather, he or she has a strong personality.
The same person is playing the role, but In each work, it is easy to forget that it is that person.
They have unique names and strong personalities. But it is empty.
This emptiness does not mean that they are "natural.
Nor does it mean that they are not acting.
Rather, they are acting intensely, but their performances are clearly different. It's more like acting without trying to act.
I love to watch the works of such actors.
At that time, I suddenly think to myself. What kind of self or ego does such an actor have? What does the self/ego mean to those who act and express themselves?

People are always trapped and swept up in themselves.
There is a word "self-expression.
The word is used in a negative sense.
It is a desire that most people have.
The word "desire for approval" is another example.
The word "narcissism" is used in a negative sense. A person who loves themselves.
There is also the word self-loathing. A person who hates themselves.
The problem is always the self.
There are times when the self itself is out of control and cannot be stopped.
Self is a tricky thing.

Don't get too caught up in yourself and your ego. I think that is very important.
Sometimes I try to get away from myself.
I sometimes try to turn my subjectivity and objectivity around, look at myself from a distance, or try to become a complete subject.
I do these things without really knowing what I should be doing, but anyway, the goal is not to get too caught up in myself.
That is also the reason why I am asking myself questions and writing a record of my questions and answers like this.
It is the same when I make music. As I concentrate, I get further and further away from myself and dive deeper and deeper.
The framework of self becomes blurred, and the boundaries become vague. Until I disappear and become empty.
I believe that expression, music, and artwork come from the abyss of my emptiness.
As long as I am stuck in myself, I cannot create works or expressions with the intensity that is truly necessary.
This leads me to the story of the actor at the beginning of this article.
I am not an actor, nor do I aspire to be one.
I am a musician.
However, I think the greatness of expression that I feel for the actors I like is a truth that can be understood in all forms of creation and expression.

Music, art, and writing are not self-expression. Nor, of course, is an actor.
They are not meant to express themselves. In truth.
What then?
On the contrary, it's something that breaks me down and breaks through me.
It is something to break through this world and fly into another world.
I don't want to push my expression and creation into the tiny box of myself for the banal purpose of self-expression.
When I hear someone say, "This is music for self-expression," I wonder if they are just trying to look cool and hide their desire to be told how great they are.
It is just a desire for self-expression. They just want to be praised.
The works and expressions that emerge here are those that have passed through me. The works and expressions born here are born to pass through me and break through the world.
It is not for me.
It is not for the purpose of explaining or expressing who I am.
Words are enough to describe who I am.
It is enough to talk for an hour about when and where I was born, what I experienced, and so on.
The desire for self-expression, self-expression, and recognition is an obstacle to expression and creation.
If I have them, I cannot dive deep.

I empty myself, and then music and art come in and fill me up. Then it overflows and breaks through me.
I believe that by repeating this process over and over again, there will be superior expression and works of art.
The degree of repetition is the talent, the quality, the practice, and the individuality.
It is essential to eliminate the small ego in order to approach the essence of expression and creation in music and art.
Everyone has their own motives, motivations, and reasons for starting to express and create, such as self-realization, desire for approval, self-love, self-loathing, jealousy, and a sense of superiority. Whatever the reason or motivation, the empty actor or the great musician or artist is far from such a place.

They empty themselves of "self" and dive deep.
Maybe then we will discover they're a monstrous work of art that we cannot imagine, or a work that is frighteningly beautiful.
I can't help but look forward to that.
If such a thing happens, nothing would make me happier.
That's what I'm betting on.
This bet is a thrilling pleasure.
I am completely caught up in this pleasure.
I don't want to waste my time creating and expressing myself for the sake of my own reputation and sense of superiority.

(March 19th,2022)