A quick tip on how to provide and receive feedback well

In my post on 14 June, I wrote about the importance of feedback. One of the most useful books I read on this topic is “Thanks for the Feedback”.
It is an easy-read, and the audiobook is also a great option for this book.

Authors Douglas Stone and Sheila Teen state that:

 “Feedback-rich culture accelerates learning and development. However not many people know how to receive and provide feedback.”

Three kinds of feedback

In order to be better at receiving and providing feedback, we need to know that there are three kinds of feedback: Appreciation, Coaching and Evaluation.

Feedback is really three different things, with different purposes:

- Appreciation - motivates and encourages.
- Coaching - helps increase knowledge, skill, capability, growth, or raises feelings in the relationship.
- Evaluation - tells you where you stand, aligns expectations, and informs decision-making.

For example, if your boss tells you how grateful she is to have you in the team, that is appreciation. If you ask your boss for more direction, you are asking for coaching feedback. Performance feedback from your boss is evaluation.

Alignment 

The key is knowing what kind of feedback you are giving or receiving, and that has to be the same between the feedback giver and the feedback receiver. If they are different, the feedback will not be useful, and the experience of giving ore receiving that feedback could be painful.

Let’s imagine that you are doing a good job on a new project that you are leading. When your boss calls you in for a meeting, you are expecting some acknowledgement. However, your boss starts to give you coaching on what to improve and what else you should learn to become a better project leader. You can be disappointed, as what you expected was appreciation. Knowing what is the expectation of the feedback receiver, and preparing the receiver about the type of feedback you are going to provide can minimize the disappointment like this.

As the authors advise, when providing or asking for feedback, be thoughtful about what you need and what you are being offered, and get aligned.