Embrace myself

Today is very windy and cold, but it's sunny not like yesterday's snow storm. Although he sleeps next me everyday, he asked me "Did you sleep good?" every morning and I really appreciate he checks in on me.

He went back his home last night because it's a Persian new year, but he came back to me around midnight. As soon as he came back, he showed me a cactus shaped toy and he said "Let me introduce my friend!" The toy could repeat what people said and it can dance with colourful lights and weird movement. He also danced with the toy together that made me laugh a lot. I could forget my anxiety for second.

Lately, every day before I go to bed and after I wake up is filled with anxiety, regret, and worry, and I sigh and cry. I used to think that growing up meant becoming more patient, but the more I grow up, the more difficult things become, and the more I grow up, the more days I shed tears, I think.

But I will share those failures and things that went wrong with myself behind the mirror and give myself a hug. Maybe it calls courage, maybe it calls determination, maybe it calls honesty. Or all of them.

Stand firmly on your own feet. To steer firmly in the direction you want to go. Even if there is a bad road on the way, even if I am almost blown away by a strong wind, even if I am almost swallowed by a wave, happily I have a map that I drew myself.

When I tell people my dream, they say, "Yeah, I can imagine." I will be the kind of person who can say, "Yes, I can imagine," and I will keep trying forever. What I need now is to listen to my heart more. I need to gently let go of the things that are drifting through my mind without fighting or posturing. To protect and embrace myself.

Let's see if I can do it, let's give it a try. It will be worth the challenge.