Like a Hyacinthus

I went to new work place for training today and it was just 3 hours, but I felt so tired because it's new environment. After came back home, I went to gym and I haven't been to the gym in a while. Built my back and abs for warm season.

The moment I got home from the gym and sat down on the couch, I felt so fatigued that my body almost got sucked into the couch. But I had been on a rest period for the past few weeks, so that feeling of fatigue was something I hadn't felt in a long time, and I was kind of glad.

His parents said he had not been home for a while and they missed him, so he went back to his parents' house and I spent the night alone for the first time in a while. I felt lonely, but I decided to do what I wanted to do without worrying about time to the fullest! So, I watched all the rest of the thriller drama series on Netflix. My body and eyes were tired, but my mind said still want to awake, so I didn't want to sleep. I would just idly look at social media and find excitement for the future, thinking about how I'm going to do my makeup tomorrow, and then I would remember something sad and feel like crying.

But I'm beginning to understand what it means to take care of myself and listen to my heart during this rest period. You say it's too late? Yes, I know. But I found it.

I told him yesterday, "I am in a wheelchair right now, and I think I am being pushed around in a chair by you. But I feel like my wounds have healed enough that I should be able to stand and walk soon, so I think I will walk on my own feet. But I want to continue to walk with you hand in hand."  He was a little confused because the expression was too figurative, but he said, "Thank you for telling me."

The more important something is, the less you ask for too much. Sometimes we have to watch over them and let them go or leave them alone, even if we miss them. Just as you can't appreciate the true taste of your favorite food if you eat too much of it, sometimes just once in a while is just right.

Don't rush, don't seek, don't be company.

Like hyacinths, I want the strength to survive on water alone.