2024/04/21 English

BGM: Depeche Mode - Master and Servant

This morning, I attended an online meeting about autism with my friends. According to my memory, we started this serial monthly meeting about 9 years ago. After that, we enjoyed various events such as cooking, hiking, and also showing our achievements and interests. Today I talked about R.D.Laing's book "Do You Love Me?" with my memory. The other members talked about their work.

This afternoon, after having lunch, I read Chizuko Ueno's book "Hating Women [上野千鶴子『女ぎらい』]". Even though I will be 49 this year (so my school days must be so far), this book's straight and logical messages toward men (especially young guys) hurt my mind deeply. Ueno tells us in this book that our society has consisted of men only (women are just like objects). In other words, society must have a certain "misogyny" or "homosocial" aspect, which doesn't allow women to enter as members. Of course, men need women as objects of sex or love. But Ueno tells us that scenery is the result of this fact: Always men rule this world in the end without women's opinions.

I accept her opinions in this book as truly honest, diligent ones that can hurt me. But, probably because I am an autistic, strange guy, I had been isolated in that kind of "misogyny" society even though I am a guy who could participate in that "homosocial" group. In a way, I was a stray cat in that masculine society. Of course, that fact doesn't say I am right about this issue, but at least I can say this. That "misogyny" society even has given me a certain mental pressure.

Besides Ueno's that one, I have tried to read a certain amount of feminists' achievements. Although I have learned a lot from them (because they tell me this world's another aspect I have never seen from my sexuality), it's even really difficult for me to have empathy with them. What should I do as a goat or a coward guy in this society (even though I could have built this world as such a stubborn, ignorant guy)?

Therefore, at the end of this journal, I want to write this. Yes, this world can have a certain "misogyny" aspect. But, that also can work as a harmful, violent affection toward me - although I can't say I must be a feminist because of that simple conclusion.