When you miss someone

It has been one month since I started a long distance relationship with my boyfriend... What do I feel? I AM SADDDDD. I am lonely and sad every day. I jumped into this relationship with this guy knowing we were going to live far away from each other eventually and the time has come on 12th last month.

I have failed so many relationships (some of them were not even relationships. How sad and stupid is that?), so I was not going to start a new relationship with anyone. Especially, long distance one. NO.

One thing led another and here I am stuck in a long distance relationship with 6674.776 miles distance. OMG. I never searched the actual distance, but fuck, it is very far.

I have done a LDR before, but I never knew it was going to be this hard this time. I think it is because I am getting older and starting to think about marriage (It’s not happening soon though). I love my boyfriend and I see my future with him. It is amazing that we choose to talk to each other every day and we care about each other even there is a great distance between us.

But still, I always miss him. No matter how long I talk on the phone with him, no matter how often he messages me, I still miss him so much.

When I miss him, I go crazy. I text him multiple times begging him to call me and get attention from him because I want him to know that I need him. It is not pretty at all. My boyfriend is so nice that he actually tells me it is ok because I am just expressing my feeling. But, I don't like it. I fucking don't like myself being a very clingy and needy ass bitch. I feel so sick of myself and I know this is going to severely affect our relationship which I deeply care about.

So, I decided to do and try following things when I miss my LDR boyfriend.

- When I miss him, I will work out. (I will be more fit when I see him next time... )

- When I miss him, I will go to see my family (because I don't know how much time I can spend with them whereas I will be able to spend much time with him in the future.)

- When I miss him, I will hang out and talk with my dear friends.

- When I miss him, I will binge watch the Bachelor cuz it makes me feel gooood.

- When I miss him, I will think about the exciting future plan

- When I miss him, I will watch self-care youtube videos

The idea is to try to make time when I don't think about him at all. To be honest, 95% of my time, I think about him or future with him now. It is not going to work if my focus is only on him. He would feel pressured and restricted. If my focus is only on him and that is all I care about, I will become a very boring person to him and to everybody. No one really wants to date an uninteresting person. Do you? I absolutely don't. I need to cut down to good 50% of my time thinking about him. (Still a lot though haha)

To wrap it up, I will make time to myself where I only care about myself and do things that make me happy when I miss him. I believe this copes my loneliness in this very hard LDR and brings a great outcome.

Love.