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The power of regret 後悔の意義
How looking backward moves us forward
Daniel H Pink / 2022 New York / Nov 23 2022 read
The author is explaining summery in TED talk as well↓
“No regret” people say about their past action or decision.
And it’s believed that it is brave to say that way and it is desirable way to live when you think about your past.
However, the author refers to the own experiences and the real messages from World Regret Survey that it is the other way around.
Regret makes us strongly moving forward.
Regret is completely right thing to have as a human.
Along with the life, you’ve got to take enormous amount of decisions from tons of options ahead.
It can be connected to current situation and predictable or can be totally unpredictable when it comes to the decision of your future path.
When you take a decision, you have one on your hand and leave others in anyways. At least,,, If only,,,
There’re four main regrets;
Foundation regrets
Boldness regrets
Moral regrets
Connection regrets
From the survey, it reveals that people tend to feel strong regret about connection on any kind of relationship when it happened inaction.
Thinking about a future opportunity, other factors such as career, education, lifestyle or moral action seem to retake or undo the action.
However, most of the time with aging, inaction or failure of relationship becomes the most important to remind about regret.
You can always remake regret into the key for future improvement.
By self disclosure, you relive and relieve what you regret.
Writing about regret or revealing regret to another person moves the experience from the realm of emotion into the realm of cognition.
Instead of those unpleasant feelings fluttering around uncontrollably, language helps us capture them in our net, pin team down, and begin analyzing them.
Now, you’re exposed and choose initiating a round of self-criticism or tapping your reserves of self-esteem.
Also, self-compassion is beneficial to increase optimism, happiness, emotional intelligence, and deeper social connections.
Then, taking self-distance will help you to analyze the situation and strategize the next.
You can create distance from our regrets through space, time and language.
Instead of using “I”, recalling the incident from others’ point of view by using “you”.
* Imagine your best friend is confronting the same regret.
What is the lesson that the regret teaches them?
What would you tell them to do next?
* Imagine that you’re a neutral expert.
What is your diagnosis and what is your prescription?
* If it’s about career, what would my successor do after I were replaced?
* Imagine it is ten years from now and you’re looking back with pride on how you responded to this regret.
What did you do?
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