25

It's only my whining.I cannot hold online meeting once a week recently, because of no topics to consult with the meeting.
Just using e-mail or chat is no problem.
So It's so difficult to keep my motivation for studying English.
I mean, recently I feel the limit of my brain so I couldn't catch up my coworker's great jobs.
Therefore, I wonder why do I continue current job and in charge of developing the systems. I'm not independently but lonely.
Someone said, the people who doesn't forgot efforts be able to move to tomorrow, but I can't move on and also stop.
If I could add, I work for only my family.
I wonder what is the "death." Because my father is alive but with dementia,
so parhaps he cannot do that he wants to.
Also I know my coworker with desease of brain, he is alive but I'm not sure does he feel alive. I can't ask to him.
And I have my friends died past. Sometimes I feel she is alive yet.
What's the alive? What's the death?
If I could not be alive healthy, does the day has come I can answer the questions like above?
When I am on the verge of death, How do I feel?
I wonder. Just I should sleep,tonight.