The Ways Of Defeating A Stress Named [Defusion]

There is interesting books who is so famous author named DR. Russ Harris that easy to access from Amazon kindle version. It is based on acceptance and commitment therapy and I love to share it with you!↓

The Happiness Trap: How To Stop Struggling and Start Living

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT (English Edition)

幸福になりたいなら幸福になろうとしてはいけない: マインドフルネスから生まれた心理療法ACT入門 (単行本)

The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt

As he explain in this book, there are two ways for about happiness. One is “feeling”. All of us has it. Second is quite unusual and rare because we don’t normally mind is “satisfactory”. To be rich, full, and meaningful in your life, meaning of it you concentrate to be fulfilled so you will get happiness in your life more and more.

According with the book, we can’t ignore from pain, grief, or distress in our life. It’s not about how we overcome those but how we accept them and make them With part of you. And the book teaches us the pattern to be formed like that so let’s take a look at it.

Part 1: Happiness Trap
Part 2: Make A room for suffering or grief, not to erase or ignore them but know about reducing them
Part 3: Think How you can build better life

All of you has heard about “There is no such perfect humans or perfect things in this world” and most of us, we need to prepare with mental and know that things.

Well, as you know many (or all) dramas, movies, and plays, they come to the end with happiness but our reality, it is pretty unusual such thing happening at all in most of time and you should bear in mind for that.

It is said by positive psychology, “Don’t think negative things but be positive and make your mind how to be positive making you happy” you probably did it some other times in your life so far once. But you know, a pain,a suffering, and a grief or pleasure, joyful, and enjoyment comes to you again and again and it is important that you should know that.

According to ACT, what is a solution itself is a problem. Interesting.

For example, playing with your friend, going for nature, doing what you like, eating delicious foods, going to a club or a bar, or joining to a charity, Something like that. It is OK if it’s a Your daily life event but when it comes to a purpose to escape from unpleasant things, it’s totally different story.

So how we can avoid from Happiness Trap? Let’s talk about it.

First step you need to do is “self-awareness”
You need to notice how you feel in your mind or your body.
There are 6 components for self-awareness so let’s take a easy looking at those.

1: Defusion
You should separate hard and tough memory in your part or just right now happened to you.

2: Expansion
Make a room for a pain or feeling of hard and tough, giving them for their space.

3: Connection
Don’t you lean on harsh part or tough memories, or worry about the future but concentrate on right now. It’s likely “mindfullness” just makes you be filled up with what you are doing or experiencing right now so you may be able to detach, e even a little from heavy part or future events.

4: The Observing self
Let’s say it is like watching out yourself. For example, observe anything what happened to you in the past or observe what will happen in the future, just observe it meticulously and also think what you feel from them.

5: Value
Let’s find out what you think the most important and essential in your life and push yourself on it and know it.

6: Committed Action
It’s said that unless you do action, you will never know what will happen to you or how you like it or not. However it’s saying that just make the action doesn’t sound fine so you focus on your value and move toward to it, even you go other way from your value or else but challenge again and again or go back to your path that a important thing.

I love what he writes about these below↓
Thoughts= A word in your mind Sensation= A feeling in your body
Image= A picture in your mind

So I want you to remember these too.

OK so next let’s talk about “Fusion”. Have you ever watched Japanese animation named “Dragon ball”? In the animation there are two boys be fused to make them stronger and undetectable. Well even you don’t know that it’s easy to you to understand from the word of “Fusion” already. Anyway, it also happens to mental. Why I talk about it because above six principle connecting to “Fusion”. I wrote before that you need to defuse is the most key point from this book or I want too tell you this time so if you fuse with bad experiences in the past or the future, you will never make it.

According to author...
“It’s no use you just read a book so what you need to do is to make yourself do action for what you want or wish.” I totally agree with it because when I WAs employed first time in the airport but couldn’t speak English so when any foreigners come into you,I just felt useless of me and wanted to escape but now, thanks to that experience,I went out my country for a while to study English and here I am. Anyway leave aside of my story, let’s do few exercises that the book shows.

At first
Imagine what you dislike yourself or what you think you are useless for 10 seconds, it’s OK verbally or writing.
Second
Add a phrase “I am having the thought that...” let me say, “I am vague person.” So I will add that phrase on it, “I am having the thought thatI am vague person.” Either of them say verbally or writing or imaging for 10 seconds.
Third
It’s bit long as it the phrase “I notice...” and do it for 10 seconds again.

Thanks to the book you may be able to defuse! Let’s say when you think “oops, I did something wrong...” or “I will make mistake...” if such phrases come up with you, you just add the phrase “I am having the thought that...” and speaking or imagining. How you feel so? Hope you get the picture.

There are more techniques from now please try them and find out what it’s suitable for you.

Next is “Musical thoughts”
Seriously thinking about “I am stupid!” for 10 seconds, and singing “happy birthday” or “jingle bell” song with that phrase if you are astounded by people it’s OK to do in your mind. How different you feelbetween not with song and with song?

In our mind, almost 80%is negative thoughts according to the book, anytime, anywhere we are thinking something. Let’s say it is likely radio in your mind continuously. When you think negative, you probably think it problem but as ACT’s point of view, they don’t think it problem. When they think it problem is to connect it and you are fused, so you thinks it problem or you recognize it problem becoming problem. Easy to understand.
So ACT says that imagine you became famous actor and a papers or a magazines writing you anything Not related and there is two personnel to think opposite, one thinks it to be positive or one thinks it to be very serious so a result to them will be totally different. I know you want to be the former so in conscious mind, you should tell yourself it is just a story or article or words they made up and then you did defusion successfully.

Neat is naming to a story, like “I am a stupid” story, or “Damn it” story, Something like that when you have stress or painful experience, let’s make on it so you may mysteriously make yourself distance from that events.

Basically, we, as human tend to take those unpleasant feelings or experiences seriously. You just need to change your approach to them like using those above techniques or not to think yourself as “stupid” but “banana” then what will happen to you instead? How you feel? You don’t take serious for thinking yourself you are “banana”, right? or you just laugh at you, be shy, or small a wry obviously. Somehow you think of negative thoughts for that way. That’s the point.

Next is silly voice technique. Let’s do exercise for it as well. First, you imagine you are disappointed or feel bad and think how it will affect you after that for 10 seconds. And then, let’s imagine the same thing but this time, you will imagine voice of any characters you like such as Mickey Mouse or (if you know Goku or Piccolo from Japanese animation “Dragon Ball”) speak or a dubbers speak substitutionary and feel how?
As you noticed, when something like silly voice speaking substituted you, you just can’t ignore it so can’t take negative thoughts seriously on you. It doesn’t expel any negative thoughts from you the negative thoughts are still in your mind but you just can’t be serious for them at all. That’s the point.

Also deep breathing technique is effective for “Defusion” specifically for those who are busy for work or child care so on. It’s definitely for you. However, there is anyone who uses this technique is confused like using it for relaxation but don’t get it wrong, in this time, you use it for defusing negative thoughts. Just listening to your breath and in the middle of the breathing, if you go mind wandering like hearing car or hearing songs of birds if so you observe how felt and when happened but don’t judge it and go back to your breath. If you make it to 5 minutes for one session total 15 minutes at least in a day. You can separate to 5 minutes morning, 5 minutes to lunch, and 5 minutes to evening like that. You can do it anywhere anytime.

Well, well, it getting too long to write eventually I just couldn’t stop writing because it’s absolutely interesting. Anyway, try doing all of them first and figure out what suitable for you. For me? To mixing up with songs is my favorite it fits me. Bye for now then.