【エジンバラ 大学留学：後期】Academic Writing課題①

このモジュールは毎週宿題が出ます。

宿題はweek1で作成したエッセイを、その後の授業で扱ったテーマを使ってブラッシュアップしていくというもの。なのでこの最初のエッセイが最後にどうなるかという感じです。

課題：以下の３つのテーマから選んで、３００字以内のエッセイを書きます。

僕は３つ目のテーマで記載。

これを読むにあたり、以下の論文４つが提示されますが、初回は、引用をしなくてもいいので読むのをパスしています。笑。２週目から読もうと思います。

＜参考文献＞

Topic: Online classes and student engagement

An article exploring how students narrate their engagement with Higher Education institutions in an online learning environment
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/01587919.2015.1019970

An article reassessing disparities in online learner student engagement in Higher Education
https://journals-sagepub-com.ezproxy.is.ed.ac.uk/doi/full/10.3102/0013189x19898690

An article exploring student engagement of an online discussion platform
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14703297.2018.1502091

An article exploring the impact of text-based and video discussions on student engagement and interactivity in an online course
https://www.thejeo.com/archive/2019_16_1/swartzwelder_murphy__murphy

＜Week 1　フィードバック＞

構造は OKだけど、文法構造、単語の選択、動詞の形。
数えることができる名詞（単数形・複数形）に多くミスがある。

具体的な指摘は実際の文章を見ながら着さしていこうと思う。

Week1 で記載したエッセイの内容（恥を忍んで記載）

テーマ：オンラインで対面授業がないことは、生徒が勉強に一生懸命にならないようになるか。

＜Structure＞

Introduction

Today, there is growing users to study online for the Covid-19, while many reports say students struggle to maintain the engagement without face-to-face class. In this essay, I will argue whether online lecture deprives of student’s engagement and need for face-to-face lesson from the viewpoint of saving the time and joining the face-to-face community which may enhance the engagement.
→Body 1 と Body 2で、時間の節約と対面のコミュニティからの観点で、議論するのでその旨を記載。

Body 1

Firstly, one of the strong advantages of online lecture is to save time. Students can access lectures from their home without transportation to university and they save the time. They could use this time for another useful matter such like additional studying, so saving time may motivate students to study at home. However, ①premising the lazy is one of the human natures, ③most of the student probably not manage their time to the effective way. Once students get used to be ②slaking off using online lecture, the lazy mind would invade their engagement to study. In fact, according to newspaper, students feel they④ don’t have idea how to use their enough time during staying at home period under Covid-19.

Bodyの構成
Online lectureの利点（時間節約）とその例  

①　premising the lazy is one of the human natures, most of the student probably not manage their time to the effective way

意味が不明確。確かに急に人の本質が怠け者っていうのは疑問をもたらすかもしれないですね。簡単に、「多くの生徒は、余った時間を勉強でなく無駄に使うかもしれない。あとはフロムとかの有名な人を引用するとか。

②slaking off 

スペルミス。slacking off かつこれはあまり学問で使ってはいけない言葉らしい。slackで使われてるので安易に使い反省。

③most of the student

複数形ミス。

④ don’t

Academic Writingではdo not × 省略形

Body 2

Secondly, in terms of the relationship between joining the community face to face and engagement, I agree that joining face to face group makes ⑤you stronger engagement because it requires you to keep promises with other people. Some people say there is no relationship to keep promise between face-to-face communication or online communication, but, in actual data, there are much online fraud than face to face fraud. This fact may suggest people tends to lie or break the rule online than direct communication. Therefore, people could be more ⑦engage in something in face-to-face communication style.

⑤you stronger engagement 

文法ミス：◯engage more strongly

⑥lie or break the rule online than direct communication.

文法ミス：◯　more online than...（moreとthanはセット）

⑦engage

文法ミス：◯'engaged'

Conclusion

In conclusion, although online lecture has many advantages, to consider the human nature, I believe that students still need the face-to-face lectures from the viewpoint of engagement.

ぐうの音も出ないコメントですね。構造の次は文法をより意識して直していこうと思います。昔からケアレスミスはあるんですが、ここで意識的に直していこうと思います。

見直しStep は以下のようにしようと思います。これはアウトプットを重ねていくしかないですね。

①単数複数の確認
②動詞の時制
③a とtheの確認
④文型の確認