I am Plural, and I am Singular (English ver.)
Who cares if it was unfortunate or not, but I have grown up with multiple cultures in my life history. When I was abroad, I thought of myself as representing the Japanese. Every one told me that I were a Japanese, and without doubt, I was one.
When I came back to Japan, though, I was a stranger. They called me first as "gaikoku-gaeri (returned from a foreign country)", then the name they called me changed from "kikokushijo" to "kikoku". Some even began to call our friends "bilin-gals".
I had to be a Japanese, but the Japanese around me seemed to have thought of me as a foreigner. Somehow, what I did and thought seemed to have been different from others. In class, when the teacher was accusing us of some mischief that the class had done, I was the only one to meet the gaze of the teacher; everybody else were looking down at the desk and quiet, but I was arguing with the teacher. Sometimes, I couldn't but notice that I was the only one in class with a raised hand. In lessons of English, there was always a strange uproar when I were assigned to read the textbook. I didn't make much of these incidents, but it seems I was an alien among them. The Japanese would not look at me as an ordinary Japanese.
As I kept on living in Japan, I noticed that I was criticizing the ways of Japan, its people, and its society: the infamous entrance examination system, group orientedness, conformism, etc. I never got used to do things "everybody all together, nobody standing out, and in harmony". Sometimes it seemed easier to get along with foreigners. But I'm not a foreigner, am I?
Then, what am I?
When I got to work, and had chances to visit other countries, there were always a time that I would not want to go home, and wished to stay there. But when I remembered the faces of my friends that I got to know while living in Japan, I would look back to Japan and think that however hard it is to work and live in Japan, I would go back.
Then came the day when I noticed that the question "what am I?" had somehow turned into the question "who am I?". Not anymore, I didn't need to think in terms of nationality, or being a Japanese or a foreigner, or whatever. All I had to question were, how am I going to live? what am I going to do and with whom? where am I going to have a place to live? for what am I going to be living?
I am here, alive. That was the answer. Day after day, I meet people. I work. I have fun. I rest. I am well. No doubt, I have a plural number of cultural heritages in my background. It still seems that my thoughts and actions are not exactly like "ordinary" Japanese. But so what, I am myself. I came to want to get together with those people who have multiple cultures within themselves. Both in Japan and abroad, there are people with plurality: Those foreigners who've grown up in Japan. Those who went on studies abroad. Those whose father and mother have different heritages.
Not even across national borders. If you think of cultures as not relevant to nationalities, there are huge differences even within Japan: Tokyo and Osaka. Rural and metropolitan. Even within Tokyo: Uptown and downtown. Broadway and off-Broadway. Cultural differences can be found anywhere: Between men and women. Even you and I have cultural differences inbetween. Anytime when one meets another, the two will live in a cultural diversity.
Everybody is a singular culture by him/herself.
Therefore, I want to be myself.
I want you to be yourself.
An expert in being oneself,
that's what I want to be.
First written in Japanese by Atsushi Furuiye for "Who Cares?!" vol.1(1991),
Newsletter for members of Kosmopolitan Association International.
Later translated by himself to English.
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