Things you wish I could say, but might NEVER

Hi there its already day 9 of blogging.

Today's topic is about something I wish I could say, but might NEVER.

I think I generally do tell people how I feel if they are close to me and when I know that I can trust them, or that they will not flip on me. For people I am not close with, same as everyone I think it is hard to express or say whatever is on your mind. I mean you never want to hurt people right? from the first "nice to meet you" period .. lol

But something when everything gets complicated with the relationship with friends, partner, work, religion, I wish I just have the courage to tell them to "get away/leave me alone/you never understand me" etc.

I still remember when I was in middle school I had a friend who was bold enough to tell my other friend to "leave me alone, you will never understand me nor I do not expect you to understand me". 

This statement at that time was quite a shock to me. Me being a pleaser for everyone, I do not think I can bear if a friend does not try to understand me, or tries to put a barrier by myself to leave the communication with a friend. 

Yet, these days I start to realize and understand the importance of the stance my friend had when she said  "you will never understand me nor I do not expect you to understand me".

In reality, I had so many different types of friends. Ethnicity/Nationality/Personality etc but thinking back, no one fully understood me. There was always an misunderstanding or parts we couldn't understand about each other even if we talked every day/ discussed about it. Even if you do spend so much time and effort and try to understand one another, since we grew up in different environment and circumstances it is impossible to feel the same way as the other. 

"It is only you that understand your true feelings"

at that moment, I realized that I do not have to say all my thoughts, I do not have to make people understand me if I understand myself.

Sometimes it helps me to talk to people to organize my thoughts but trying to gain the answers, words you want or imagined to be said by your friend, expecting this is a waste of energy I realized. 

Before I could not say a word that states "You is You" "me is me" type but I recognized the importance of this and from now on I would like to change my perspective in things and focus to understand myself then others or let others try to understand me.

It is kinda sad to say this but " you are the only one who fully understands you." but at the same time "if you understand yourself, I think that's when I can shine the best to have a believer, understander, supporter, cheerleader that gives myself the word, route needed".

Anyways I guess I went off topic again but here you go!

its Tuesday and 3 more days till weekend! let this week be amazing for all of you <3