Franco and His Journey to Self-Discovery(友人フランコの自分探しの旅)
A person's gender identification plays a crucial role in determining their sense of self as well as how they view and interact with the outside world. However, for many people, coming to terms with and expressing their true gender may be a difficult and life-changing event. An important step in this personal journey is coming out, or telling people about one's gender identity. The significant relevance of gender identification and the nuanced feelings associated with coming out are both explored in this article.
A deeply held sense of being a male, female, or another gender, which may or may not coincide with the assigned sex at birth, is referred to as gender identity. It is important to understand that gender is a complex construct molded by social, cultural, and personal influences rather than being entirely defined by biological elements. Self-acceptance and actualization fundamentally include embracing one's own gender identity. In contrast, hiding one's true identity can be extremely difficult for people who identify themselves as a different gender from their assigned sex. There is frequently a significant internal conflict caused by the fear of being rejected, discriminated against, and misunderstood by family, friends, and society. Emotional anguish, worry, sadness, and a constant disconnection from oneself and others can result from suppressing one's inner individuality.
Let me tell you a story of a friend named Franco. When Franco was younger, he knew firsthand that he was different. He knew that there was a certain way of how boys should be acting and that he does not feel the same. Being surrounded by mostly girls as cousins, he felt like he was more connected to them compared to those who were of the same gender as him. At a young age, he immediately noticed that there was a sense of tolerance back then, especially from his mother, who would support him when buying toys regardless of whether they were masculine or not. Despite the fact that Franco’s mom was giving him liberty when it comes to the things that he plays, his father, on the other hand, would strongly disagree and firmly believed that what he was doing was a mistake and that it was not fitting with the knowledge of such societal norms brought at that time in their own community. Furthermore, his Dad being against him embracing his true identity was frank and aggressive about it, and it reached a point that it was instilled in his mind that he would be a disgrace to the family once they knew about him being different than most.
As Franco grew older, he realized that he had a lot of resentment towards the treatment that both his parents gave him over the years and the suppressed trauma that he had led him to pretend that he was alright just so he could avoid further retaliation. Growing up, he felt the need to act the way his parents wanted him to finally be welcomed by societal standards. This fueled a hatred towards himself because he was not able to express himself fully and his actions do not coincide with his principles and beliefs. As a feminine boy in a society where it was stigmatized that being soft equates to homosexuality, it was hard for Franco to accept himself without being ridiculed. And slowly, not realizing it, he developed an internalized homophobia knowing that the community itself has already been in the minority for years being marginalized and criticized. He mentioned that as a young queer, he had to go through more obstacles than that of a heterosexual. In his journey of self-discovery, he was able to recognize the people who he considers villains hindering him from developing and achieving self-growth.
Firstly, his parents were very contradictory in their own roles of guiding their children. Franco believed that it was such an irresponsible act to not accept him for who and what he is. These restrictions made him feel caged and unable to grow. Other than that, he would also get a lot of discrimination in school, especially from teachers who would dehumanize his identity, taking away his chance of knowing himself by imposing a certain belief that his parents would not want him if he acted differently or the way he is. Being bullied physically was also one of those challenging struggles that he had experienced in the said environment. Lastly, he learns that the main villain he has been fighting against would be himself – with the constant lies and denial he had to put up just to protect his peace and mental stability.
Truly, it takes a lot of personal work that is in continuous progress and is frequently a lifelong challenge to embrace oneself as well as come to terms with one's gender identity. To recognize and comprehend one's true character, one must engage in soul-searching, self-reflection, and contemplation. Many people go through a phase of introspection during which they examine different facets of their gender identity and look for help from dependable friends, family members, or expert resources. When Franco knew that he had the chance to find outlets of support from moving to Cebu, he realized that this was such a turning point for him. As he embarked on a new journey away from his hometown, it was liberating for him, and he understood that there was nothing wrong with being who he was. For him, it was comforting and he was definitely fortunate to have such an opportunity to be free and open. He felt seen and validated by the number of representations he had witnessed, and this inspired him. He became more assertive about what he wanted as he fought against the little dilemmas in his head and realized it was okay to show his true self without hesitations.
Franco knew that it takes a lot of guts and vulnerability to come out. It entails telling others about one's gender identity, frequently opening one up to various responses, from acceptance and support to rejection and bigotry. The coming out process is different for each person and is influenced by things including their personal situation, cultural background, and social context. In that regard, it is vital to recognize that not everyone who comes out has a great experience; some people may actually encounter significant challenges and adversity. For most close friends that Franco had, he did not feel the need to come out to them and as for a family member, his sister was the only one he came out to. Although unnecessary, she appreciated the fact that Franco trusted her. These were the type of people he considered his heroes – those who were objective and open about his sexual awakening and gender expression. With that, the pieces of advice he took from us were an eye-opener for him and these made him understand that although we were open-minded, not everybody is willing to acknowledge him for who he is and that he had to accept the fact that if he cannot let go of such limitations then he is only victimizing himself. He knew that his own self-acceptance was a milestone not just for him but for everybody else in the community to break the system as well as the culture of hate.
To embrace and express real gender identities, people embark on a very personal and transforming journey known as coming out and that was what Franco did. It showcased his bravery, tenacity, and strength amidst all challenges he faced. We, as allies, can create a community where everyone feels secured and encouraged to live freely, devoid of prejudice and judgment, by cultivating understanding, empathy, and acceptance. With this in mind, I have told Franco that in a world full of chaos and doubt, he does not have to be afraid to show who he really is because there are people like me and all the others who have supported him throughout his voyage of self-discovery. The people who truly matter are those who have lifted his spirit and appreciated what great of a gift he is, regardless of what gender he may identify himself as. I truly hope that in this progressive era, we may all find it in our own hearts that it is okay to be different and that these people who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community should never apologize for who they are. Just like every single one of us, they deserve to be loved, treasured, and respected.
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