How to Avoid Toxic Positivity and Be Genuinely Happy(毒になるポジティブ思考に惑わされず、ありのままの幸せを育むには)
この記事は、Brighture の講師が書いた英語エッセイです。毎月1本掲載しています。今回は Niña によるエッセイです!
Scroll through any social media feed, and it's a never-ending display of positivity. You'd find an array of positivity quotes, images, and videos of people overcoming challenges, influencers sharing their happy travel experiences or talking about sticking to a positive mindset, and a lot more. Is this happiness a genuine reflection of reality or a carefully curated image?
What is Toxic Positivity? (毒になるポジティブ思考とは?)
Optimism is a beautiful thing, but it’s not a magic wand that extinguishes all our problems with just one swish. Being positive, even when things are tough, can actually be harmful. That's what we call toxic positivity. It's when people push for the idea of seeing the bright side of things all the time and not paying attention to things that aren't that. I learned this the hard way when I lost both my parents at 17.
Instead of letting myself feel sad or angry, I pretended to be fine because I thought I had to. However, it all backfired. Years had passed, but I often found myself really sad and scared for no apparent reason. I realized that I had never really grieved the biggest loss of my life. It took me a while to navigate my emotions, but then I realized how important it is to be honest with myself and acknowledge that “bad emotions” like sadness and anger are real and natural. It’s okay not to be okay all the time.
What Are the Impacts of Toxic Positivity?(毒になるポジティブ思考の影響とは?)
First of all, toxic positivity can harm those with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, or both. On social media or even in physical communities, positivity appears to be a standard that people use to gauge how morally correct individuals are. As a result, those who are suffering from depression and anxiety feel the need to keep their struggles to themselves. Afraid of judgment, they don't seek help to get better.
Furthermore, toxic positivity can keep us away from establishing genuine and meaningful relationships. When we force ourselves to always be positive around people, we deny them the opportunity to actually know who and what we really are, and in turn, render our connection with them shallow and somewhat fake. I'm not saying that we should be a hundred percent open to everyone we meet all the time. What I'm saying is, if there are people we want to connect with in a deeper sense, we need to be more honest with how we feel.
Lastly, even at work, toxic positivity can negatively affect people. I personally don't like it when I'm required to always be positive even when things are tough. Do you? People get burnt out when they feel their concerns are not heard and respected.
How Can We Cultivate Authentic Positivity?(どうすれば本物のポジティブさを養えるのか?)
Here are some four tips I’ve gathered from my encounters with myself and other people in my journey to mental well-being.
(1) Acknowledge Your Emotions:
Embracing authentic positivity starts with acknowledging and accepting our emotions, both positive and negative.
In the TED talk below, Psychologist Susan David talks about a survey she conducted with more than seven thousand respondents.
According to the survey, over 30% of the population regard themselves badly for having "bad emotions, like sadness, anger or grief” and "being positive has become a new form of moral correctness." It’s as though having real and genuine feelings that are not positive is an indication of being morally flawed. She adds that “radical acceptance of all of our emotions, even the messy, difficult ones, is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true, authentic happiness.”
Therefore, it is very important that you acknowledge "bad emotions" and allow yourself to fully experience them. Let me say this over and over again: "It's okay not to be okay sometimes."
(2) Be Kind to Yourself:
Have empathy for yourself, just as you would for a friend or family. Listen to your favorite music, treat yourself out on a date, read your favorite book, eat your comfort food, or simply stay at home and relax, but most importantly, don’t rush yourself to feel better whenever you feel bad. When you’ve hit rock bottom, take your time to just lie there and let yourself heal. Wait patiently, and when you’re ready, get up and start over again.
(3) Surround Yourself with Good People:
Be with people who would intently listen to your stories or anything you want to get off your chest without judgment. Trust me, it's such a relief to talk to those who actually care. Don't get me wrong; simply talking about the things that bother you won't solve your problems a hundred percent, but it can definitely help you process your own thoughts and feelings. Although those people can't give you concrete solutions, their mere presence and intention to listen can help you start.
(4) Seek Professional Help:
When we are sick, we set an appointment with our physician to make us feel better physically. The same should be done for our mental health. If we find it too difficult to navigate our emotions alone or with family and friends, we need to seek help from mental health professionals.
In one episode of the Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen podcast, their guest, Liza Soberano, talks about mental health and the stigma around it. She emphasizes the need for accessible and affordable mental health care. Thus, she wants to send the message that it’s not a sin to seek professional help and that it’s actually a necessity that we shouldn’t be embarrassed to have. The conversation in that episode is definitely worth the listen, so I recommend that you check it out.
Not All is Well and That’s Okay(すべてがうまくいくわけではないが、それでいい)
This world that we live in is a beautiful kaleidoscope of not only the bright and joyful moments, but also the dark and challenging ones. Let us be kinder to ourselves and others by being honest and accepting that even negative feelings are positively important.
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