【英語雑記】Being an Authentic Goat in Japan

Words often heard about the Japanese by foreigners who have travelled to Japan;
Polite
Considerate
Have a spirit of hospitality
Patient
Etc...

None of these are lies. If you travel to Japan as a tourist, you will probably be surprised by the spirit of service, so I do not intend to deny any of these impressions.

On the other hand, here are some words I often hear from foreigners living in Japan;
Exclusive
Can’t tell what they are thinking from their facial expressions
Words and real feelings are opposite sides of the same coin
Forcing people to endure meaningless things
Etc...

If these polarised impressions were pieced together, they could be interpreted roughly like this;
On the outside you look good, but in your heart you are swearing.
They make a virtue of not expressing their emotions and hold back until they are on the verge of exploding. (Personally, I believe this is why the number of suicides continues to rise.)
They don't recognise anyone but their own herd.

It is Japan today that continues to strangle itself. Even if we start thinking about policies aimed at increasing the birth rate now, we will never make it. I don't think about Japan after I die deeply, and I think I only can do things I can, but as a person living in the present, every time I try to be who I am, I am shown critical opinions in a 'soft' attitude, I think "Don't interrupt people who are doing things you can't do only for that reason every single time."
I cannot and do not want to be that typical 'gentle Japanese' who is conservative, never expresses their own opinions and always wait for someone else to tell them what to do. I don't want to be a sheep that can't even move without a leader.

I was born and raised in Japan, so there is definitely a 'Japaneseness' that takes root in me, and I am not denying it. My mother always told me not to cry, to be considerate of others and to do what I can for them, and I don't see those as bad things. So I don't want people to think that I have completely the same opinions as foreigners who have been educated to be themselves first.

But is a culture that tries to crush your attempts to be yourself really beautiful?
That's a question that I can't erase, and it's a question that keeps staying with me.

Trying to be yourself is not easy in any culture, and you tend to be forced to be lonely, but Japan is extremely averse to it.
So sometimes I just feel “I can’t deal with this stupid shit anymore”

In 2024, I’ll do my very very VERY best to get over the ‘tradition’ of Japan. I’ll get over the fear to be annoying person to the people who try to be blended and obedient.
2024 would be a year of goat to me.
(I’m not talking about Chinese zodiac. I say ‘being a goat’ as ‘being independent and unique’)

Once one of my foreign friends discribed Japanese as sheep. Japanese barely lead others and mostly prefer to follow someone (and their decisions)
on the other hand, Ive heard that owners sometimes put goats in the flock of sheep and let them lead the sheep.
I am not interested in being a leader or the leadership itself but definitely prefer to make decisions by myself.

Be authentic, yes, be who you are.
(It doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk)