Mud to swallow, music to embrace

Why am I doing music?

This is a question that I keep turning to myself endlessly.
Whether we are aware of it or not, we think, act, and answer questions based on our own view of people and the world.
Depending on their actions and answers, their worldview and human view will change, and their actions and answers will change as well. The way one lives, acts, speaks, and expresses oneself is based on one's worldview and human view. Sometimes I write in order to confirm my own view of things, and sometimes I write in order to renew my world view and human view.

"Why am I doing music?"
By asking the question "How do I see the world and people? "I can't help but think about this.

The world is in the midst of great turmoil and change.
Economic and social collapse is coming.
The earth itself will be in turmoil and upheaval.
In the not too distant future.
Pandemics and wars are already happening.
Quiet changes and violent changes have occurred and will continue to occur.
We are moving into the next world. If there is a next world.
My anger and resignation at human stupidity grows daily.
I see the world and people as hopeless.
I think it's impossible to go on like this.
I stare at the world with rage and despair, feeling nauseous toward humanity.
I refuse to live cynically or throw away my life in despair or resignation. I refuse to pretend to be cynical and unmoved.
I am very desperate, but I still want to live life to the fullest. I have a little hope that one day the world will value human dignity more.
I want to struggle and live until the end.
I want to live with dignity and respect for others, not just be kept alive like a slave. If I lose that, there is no point in living.
I want to resist until the end. I want to fight.
With what?
Black, big, heavy, sticky, slowly swallowing everything up with the "mud" created by our stupidity and selfishness.

Let's get back to music.

Even though I am in such a hopeless and disgusted world, nothing will change the fact that listening to, creating, and performing music is a joy for me.
Even though the world and the human condition is getting worse and worse, nothing will change the fact that I seek music and that music brings me bliss at all times. The elation, excitement, and joy that music brings to my life is strangely unchanged. It becomes clearer and clearer. It's really a strange thing.
I once suspected that it was just because I was drowning in music like alcohol or a drug and forgetting the unpleasant things of reality, but that is not the case.
Even when I am immersed in music, my despair for the world and for humanity does not disappear.
Music doesn't even make me forget anything.
Music does not change the world, nor does it cleanse the environment.
Music does not need to do that, because man is responsible for the chaos of the world and the stupidity of mankind.
Music exists as something overwhelming at all times, independent of the world and human stupidity.

Why am I doing music?
Perhaps it is because as my despair for the world and human beings grows more extreme, I need the depth and immensity of music to encompass it all.
I need music to stay sane, to live without being swallowed up by the "mud," without forgetting dignity and respect.

I am thinking and speaking in a long and formal way, but that's what I need right now.
Sometimes it is necessary to go with the flow and momentum without thinking, but sometimes it is necessary to think too much in a rigid and tedious way.
It is better not to make anything easy.
We should not make anything easy to understand.
It is unnatural.
It is very distorted to have nothing that is hard and difficult to understand.
There are always lies in such a place.

Every day we are tossed about by a gigantic swell, but
Still, in order not to be swept away, not to be swallowed up
I want to face the music.
(March 12th, 2022)