A Sea of Chaos and Noise

I live my daily life as a human being, living in society and leading a life, but at any given moment, I live my life with a sense of chaos.
No, I live my life looking for it.
Chaos. If you look hard enough, you can find it anywhere.
Even when you are on a crowded train, sometimes everything in the scenery seems strange and out of order. When you keep looking at the people standing still in the train, or the people coming and going in the station, there are times when you sense a tremendous chaos.
It is precisely in places like cities, where the system is supposed to be extreme, where the system is supposed to be in control, that you see frayed edges all over the place. Chaos is erupting from there.

When I feel chaos, I am very relieved.
I feel that I am alive.
Chaos is salvation.

I love noise. I cannot live without it.
When there is noise, I feel that I am alive.
Noise is also salvation.

Everything is in order, everything is on a system, everything is orderly, calculated, and efficient.
Our society and daily life try to eliminate unpredictable things like chaos and noise. The effort to maintain a system that has become so large, the more it escalates, the more it undermines people.
To forget that we are being undermined, we further strengthen our connection to the system.
Order is inherently based on a dangerous balance.
It is constantly shaking and being shaken.
Trying to fix it in the same state forever without shaking it is what is abnormal, and trying to force it to do so creates people who break down.

The system of rigid thinking, standardized senses and sensibilities, and excesses.
The energy that destroys them is chaos and noise.
Chaos and noise erupt from the fissures in society with great vigor.
The more we try to suppress them, the more vigorously they erupt.

Our daily life is like a ship floating on a wide ocean.
The wide ocean is chaos and noise itself.
We are drifting on the sea, rocked by chaos and noise, sometimes getting seasick.
No matter how huge a ship you build to prevent shaking, it is still just a ship.
It is useless to fool ourselves into thinking we are on solid ground.
In the spacious cabins of the ship, there are so many fancy parties being held day after day that one forgets about the raging open sea.
It is at times like this that I suddenly go up to the deck and lean over to be exposed to the waves of chaos and noise.
I may look like a strange guy who goes out of his way to bathe in the waves, but it clears my head and wakes me up.
For me, being bathed in the wind and waves of the endless open sea is more important than the party in the cabin.

Where is our ship headed?
Apparently, no one knows.
No one even knows who is piloting it.
To forget the anxiety of not knowing, the party continues.
I am looking at the dark sea, bathing in the waves, and searching for the stars.
(April 17, 2022)