Prayer: Wordless Groans of Intimacy

Have you ever found yourself not knowing what to pray anymore? Have you ever felt so distracted from a thousand problems surrounding you, that you don't even know how to describe the situation you're in? 

That is exactly how I have been feeling recently. 

In this cheerful and festive season celebrating the birth of Jesus, my mind was all over the place focusing on everything but the reason for the season. 

I was so overwhelmed by work, friends, academics, family and church events that on Christmas eve, I just lost it. I was on a semi-crowded train heading home, and all I wanted was to be near my Lord. I wanted to escape into the arms of the Father and cry out to him, tell him about my week and what had happened that day. All I wanted was to close my eyes and just be free from all the distractions in life. But I could not say a word of prayer. 

I'll say it again, I could not pray. 

Just as if I'd forgotten how to pray. As if I'd forgotten how to breathe or how to walk. I wasn't sure what to pray about; every word that spilled from my lips, every line in my prayer, every phrase that I was so accustomed to using felt as if it was not enough. 

I just felt like... whatever I pray about might cause problems or contradict my own feelings, and I P A N I C K E D. Praying to God never felt this difficult, ever. Then suddenly I received a text message from a close friend. Out of nowhere, she had simply sent me verses from Romans 8. 

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts know the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God." (Romans 8:26-27) 

Whoa, Holy Spirit. You did it again! I had to read, then re-read these words over and over again. Slowly, my panicky heart and mind started to relax and started absorbing the grace revealed in these words. 

The Holy Spirit, truly, helps us in our weakness.

Even when we don't know what we ought to pray for, even when nothing seems to make sense, even when we can't see God's will, even when our lives are out of our control. The Spirit himself intercedes with us through wordless groans. YES. The Holy Spirit intercedes with us- takes His time and effort to pick up each of the feelings, desires, worries, fears, thankfulness, etc., just like a mother who picks up her tired and whining child's toys from the floor and cleans it up. The Holy Spirit abides with us, walking together hand in hand, carrying us and leading us into the presence of the Lord with wordless groans. The Holy Spirit wraps us in His arms and supports us as we feebly stand and walk towards our dear Lord. There is kindness, there is love, there is goodness, and there is beauty in how the Holy Spirit intercedes with us. The Holy Spirit is our closest and dearest friend, who will N E V E R give up on us nor leave us in our weakness but comes near us and encourages us to follow the Lord. 

God and the Holy Spirit are the perfect buddies. 

"And he who searches our hearts know the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God." (Romans 8:27)

Verse 27 describes the intimate relationship between God and the Holy Spirit. The level of intimacy here is just indescribably close; so close that the Godhead is described as three in one. God knows the mind of the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit abides among us in accordance with God's will. They are the perfect buddies. 

Last night, I asked my mother if it is true that the longer two people spend time together, the bond between them grow stronger and closer. Closer to the point that the two are able to understand each other without using words to express their thoughts. My mother answered yes, that after more than 20 years of marriage, my mother is able to make a guess on my father's thoughts, words, and actions. Now, imagine the Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, and the God the Father existing together since before time. The level of intimacy that they have is just unimaginable. How amazing is it that we can surrender ourselves to such a strongly bonded, and love-abiding God? 

Through prayer, we can surrender our burdens, hopes, desires, worries, ourselves, and our lives to God. Through prayer, we are able to surrender our deepest, darkest, most vulnerable selves. Through prayer, we can confess our sins and ask God to forgive us. 

I often find myself worrying about whether my prayer is according to God's will. When I pray "thy will be done", I wonder what God's will is and I get afraid imagining God's will to be different from my desires. When I pray about my thoughts and desires, I get afraid of being too selfish. 

But wait. 

Prayer is not a wishlist, nor is it a complaint box. 

Prayer is worship. 

God wants to bless us through our prayer, always. God wants to bless us through our relationship with Him: through the surrendering, through the confession, through the reassurance of forgiveness and new life through the blood of Jesus Christ. Oh, how amazing is this grace. How amazing is it that God wants to bless us, and not condemn us. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

God is the only person worthy of our whole worship; God is the only one who can give purpose to our lives that truly satisfies. He wants to bless us always and chooses to help us in our weakness no matter what state we are in. Even when we don't know what to pray, no matter how scattered our minds are, the Holy Spirit intercedes with us, abides with us with wordless groans, and welcomes us into the complete intimacy. 

Oh, how great is our God.