My Inner World

Do you understand yourself?

Are you kind-hearted to yourself?

My friend told me,

you need to look at yourself, not at others.

I am now starting to understand what she said.

Previously I was always searching for my friends or lovers.

That was why I was not proud of myself and didn't know who I was.

And I wanted to make up for this lack by relationship with others.

But now,

I am exploring my inner world by writing in my diary everyday.

I am writing 5 to 6 hours a day to understand myself.

It takes time to understand myself,

and after 3 months of writing in my diary very seriously,

I can be familiar with myself.

I realize the most important thing in life is to understand who I am and become best friend to yourself.

By the way, 
my best communication style is reading and writing using letters.

But I am not good at speaking to tell my feelings to other people.

Within I became a member of a club,
I didn't know myself that well.

One thing I am not good at is instantly expressing the emotion what I feel by facial expressions and atmosphere.

So I was always regretted my conduct which I couldn't understand feelings at the moment,
and later the emotion comes up when I am alone.

I should say something when I was face to face with the members.

It happened sometimes not only during club activities,
but also with social connections like neighbors and my family members.

I didn't know what I should do for a long time.

I am somehow different from normal people.

But now I realize what I have to do, 
it is writing.

When I am writing my diary or an article,
I am more able to express my feelings and thoughts than when I speak.

Now I recognize that I am good at reading and writing with letters better than listening and speaking with words.

Now I am writing almost half of everyday to understand and make my own world.

When I am writing letters,
I can realize what I think and feel not later,
but at the moment.

I think my brain tends to focus on written letters.

And it is interesting,
when I am writing the letters which come from my inner world,
but the letters are once written,
the letters interact me back with my inner world.

The letters circulated inside me and outside me out.

So writing is like talking with myself.

I write, then I read and write.

The letters which I wrote influence my inner world.

I think everyone is unique.

But if you want to make friends,
I highly recommend that the first one should be yourself.

Because I started to be familiar with who I am,
and then I was able to have good relationship with others.

The first relationship you have is not with others.

But with yourself.

There are lots of books or tips for understanding others.

But there are few books to understand yourself.

Now I think understand why.

The most difficult person for everyone to understand is yourself.

Where do we have to go?

Where is the good place for understanding yourself?

It is not in the noisy town,
but in the silence you can feel good.

Have you ever experienced good time without sounds?

In that mood, 
you can experience your real self.

I found three good ways to feel that mood.

One is writing.

The second one is having a walk outside.

And the last one is doing yoga.

I like to do yoga.

I practiced it for one year,
and then I became good at spending time in silence.

I experienced very interesting thing.

When I was not familiar with the world,
the sound made by others is like noise to me.

But now I have become familiar with the word,

and the sound made by others is like a soft voice to me.

It is the change of my interpretation of the world outside me.

I can feel harmony with the world outside me,
then I don't feel noise.

This is my inner world short journey in the recent one year.

I learned a lot from that,
but to tell the truth,
I still had failures or misunderstandings.

But I keep going,

to be best friend to my self,

and to be kind hearted person.