Tired of feeling like an outsider in my own country!

Hi there,

I was already "different" when I was 3. I didn't fit in Japan, so I went to college in the States. Then, I came home being even more different. I apparently had an accent speaking Japanese and had forgotten kanji and "keigo" and had to study them again. Now I have a hard time feeling like I belong here among Japanese people. 

I've got a major in psychology and a minor in philosophy. 

Can anyone resonate with these?

• I cannot not say what I need to say or what needs to be said when it is necessary. I do respect people's feelings, privacy, boundaries, and whatnot. 

• If something's not right, I'll say that's not right and I know people are gonna look at me like "what the heck are you saying, stupid." 

• I cannot stay so expressionless like you're supposed to in this country. 

• I will smile when I want to; I can't help it, and people looking at me like I've done something inappropriate is disheartening. 

• I get nervous being around a lot of Japanese people despite the fact that I am Japanese. I'm afraid that they're gonna judge me -- that I'm weird or not very Japanese or whatever. 

Thanks,
Kana