Only I can help myself

Today was another morning where I woke up and immediately battled depression.

Yesterday I distanced myself from a friend who is very important to me. But the cause is me.
He was not at fault at all, it was a result of me not being able to control me well enough to hit him with that attitude. Just like the spit that flew came back to me. There is nothing wrong with hurting people. But I did it to him, and to precious friends.

It's really tough when things like this continue to bring me down so hard.

Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad feeling and he rubbed my back and comforted me in the middle of the night.

I really can't thank him enough. When I go to sleep, he always has something to say that reassures me or makes me laugh, and he watches over me until I fall asleep before he goes to sleep.

Talking to someone is so important to me right now, and when I'm cooped up alone, I really want to disappear. Thanks to the time difference being reduced by an hour, I can talk to my family a little bit more than before.

My sister listened to me even though she was busy today, and I had a long phone call with my mom.
My mom is a great person. She is always there for me no matter what, and she is experienced and strong, always has the right advice.

But even though she is always kind and supportive, she has a few words of advice for me:

"Don't expect others to do something for you or understand you," and "You have to be able to support yourself."

Indeed. Just as I cannot understand 100% of the other person's feelings, they cannot understand mine.

It is very important to get help from others, but at the end of the day, it's about me, and I have to manage on my own.

I am really, really grateful to my partner and my family, but I have to work hard and be independent.
But it's really, really hard for me right now.

I just have to wait for the time to pass.
It feels like a very long, long time. But no matter how thick the clouds are, the blue sky is always there.